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Ask Kai: Quickies

Ask Kai: Quickies (formally known as Quick Tips for the Apocalypse) is Xtra’s video series featuring sex and relationship advice from Kai Cheng Thom. If you want a deeper dive and have the time, Kai’s text-based column, Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse, is definitely worth checking out.

Can I text a break-up?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Can I text a break-up?

Text isn’t ideal, Kai Cheng advises, but the best type of break-up conversation is one you can actually do

By Kai Cheng Thom
I’m a closeted teen. How do I flirt if I don’t know who’s gay?
Ask Kai: Quickies

I’m a closeted teen. How do I flirt if I don’t know who’s gay?

“I’m a big fan of just asking questions because that is the way we are most likely to get clear answers,” Kai Cheng advises

By Kai Cheng Thom, Lito Howse
How do I clarify if this ambiguous queer hangout is actually a date?
Video

How do I clarify if this ambiguous queer hangout is actually a date?

In a shocking turn of events, Kai Cheng Thom suggests you simply ask

By Kai Cheng Thom, Lito Howse
I’m not on PrEP. Is it weird to ask for condoms during hook-ups?
Video

I’m not on PrEP. Is it weird to ask for condoms during hook-ups?

“I assure you, you are doing nothing wrong by asking to practice safer sex,” Kai advises

By Kai Cheng Thom, Lito Howse
How do my girlfriend and I overcome ‘lesbian bed death’?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do my girlfriend and I overcome ‘lesbian bed death’?

Spend some time together naked or in a bath without the goal being sex, Kai advises

By Kai Cheng Thom
My partner became solo poly without telling me
Ask Kai: Quickies

My partner became solo poly without telling me

“Whenever that kind of news comes as a surprise or comes secondhand or thirdhand, then it is likely to be hurtful,” Kai says

By Corey Misquita, Kai Cheng Thom
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How do I remove shame from sex?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do I remove shame from sex?

“The more we practice pleasure in a way that is slow enough for us actually to integrate it and really enjoy it without being overwhelmed,” Kai advises, “the more our capacity grows”

By Kai Cheng Thom, Lito Howse
Is it fair to date non-binary trans femmes without knowing how I identify?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Is it fair to date non-binary trans femmes without knowing how I identify?

“I’m just going to go ahead and say, ‘Yes!’” Kai advises. “Go forth, with some caveats.”

By Kai Cheng Thom
My trans partner is no longer attracted to me or my gender. What should I do?
Ask Kai: Quickies

My trans partner is no longer attracted to me or my gender. What should I do?

Ask yourself if sexuality plays a primary role in intimacy, or if sexuality can be explored outside the relationship?

By Xtra Video
I’m a high femme trans lesbian and I really want to play with other high femme trans lesbians. How?
Ask Kai: Quickies

I’m a high femme trans lesbian and I really want to play with other high femme trans lesbians. How?

What’s important is that we are expressing interest, inviting consent and then we become erotic explorers

By Xtra Video
How do I gain the confidence to use a strap-on?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do I gain the confidence to use a strap-on?

Give yourself permission to enter the realm of sexuality with an open mind, ready to get messy and make mistakes

By Xtra Video
Top, bottom, verse or switch? How do I decide?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Top, bottom, verse or switch? How do I decide?

Sexuality is definitely an experiment, but experiment with people not on people

By Xtra Video
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How do you have group sex that isn’t weird?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do you have group sex that isn’t weird?

Sex in general can be weird, but a great orgy starts with collective consent and continuous communication

By Xtra Video
How can I tell my partner that I want more alone time?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How can I tell my partner that I want more alone time?

A tricky question because there could be a lot of other questions behind it

By Xtra Video
Does being curious about ‘butt stuff’ make me gay?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Does being curious about ‘butt stuff’ make me gay?

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe the real question is, “Why does that matter?”

By Xtra Video
Can anyone have nipple orgasms?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Can anyone have nipple orgasms?

When it comes to pleasure, it all boils down to exploration

By Xtra Video
Is it a good idea to have a threesome with my two best friends?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Is it a good idea to have a threesome with my two best friends?

Like mixing paints into new colours, erotic intimacy can be surprising

By Xtra Video
Is scissoring actually good for anyone?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Is scissoring actually good for anyone?

Some people might be into the fantasy and less into the actual experience

By Xtra Video
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