I’m not on PrEP. Is it weird to ask for condoms during hook-ups?

“I assure you, you are doing nothing wrong by asking to practice safer sex,” Kai advises

“I would say we always have the right to ask our sexual partners to use condoms or to observe any kind of sexual safety practices that might make things more comfortable or better for us,” Kai Cheng Thom says. “Make it about what we want and what we need instead of about what that other person might be doing or saying. So I wouldn’t say to someone, ‘Well, I can’t trust you and you’re a liar, so we have to use condoms.’”

“How I would phrase the request or the ask is to make it about myself rather than the other person. So it’s a matter of what I need to make the sexual interaction good and safe for me.”

It’s our latest in the video series “Ask Kai: Quickies,” offering sex and relationship advice for those in a hurry.

Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and social worker who divides her heart between Montreal and Toronto, unceded Indigenous territories. She is the author of the Lambda Award-nominated novel Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir (Metonymy Press), as well as the poetry collection a place called No Homeland (Arsenal Pulp Press). Her latest book, Falling Back in Love with Being Human, a collection of letters and poetry, is out now from Penguin Random House Canada.

Lito Howse (they/them) is a queer and trans/non-binary identified videographer, editor and producer based in Toronto. They previously worked for the CBC where they wrote TV stories, edited and control room produced for News Network. They also produced videos for CBC Radio and wrote web articles for shows like The Current and As It Happens, among other roles. They speak English.

Read More About:
Video, Dating, Health, Ask Kai: Quickies, PrEP

Keep Reading

St. John’s, Fredericton and P.E.I. Prides drop sponsors named on BDS lists

At least three Canadian Prides are proactively partnering with local pro-Palestinian groups and dropping big banks

What does Naheed Nenshi’s win mean for queer and trans people in Alberta?

The former Calgary mayor now leads the Alberta NDP, and he brings with him a history with the LGBTQ2S+ community

Activists call on Prides to divest from Israel

A growing movement is calling on Pride groups to not take money from companies with financial ties to Israel’s current military operation in Gaza

Here’s why a ‘Rainbow Week of Action’ is planned across Canada in May

Rallies are planned for May 17 in at least a dozen cities across the country, as well as letter-writing campaigns and education events