How do I clarify if this ambiguous queer hangout is actually a date?

In a shocking turn of events, Kai Cheng Thom suggests you simply ask

“It’s difficult living in ambiguous queer life,” Kai Cheng Thom says. “I’m also not the biggest fan of queer ambiguity. I am a person whose brain and soul just really does much better with clear communication.

“One of my favourite questions to ask people when we are setting up a hangout—and I think it’s a date—is to ask this very powerful question: ‘So is this a date?'”It’s our latest in the video series “Ask Kai: Quickies,” offering sex and relationship advice for those in a hurry.

Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and social worker who divides her heart between Montreal and Toronto, unceded Indigenous territories. She is the author of the Lambda Award-nominated novel Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir (Metonymy Press), as well as the poetry collection a place called No Homeland (Arsenal Pulp Press). Her latest book, Falling Back in Love with Being Human, a collection of letters and poetry, is out now from Penguin Random House Canada.

Lito Howse (they/them) is a queer and trans/non-binary identified videographer, editor and producer based in Toronto. They previously worked for the CBC where they wrote TV stories, edited and control room produced for News Network. They also produced videos for CBC Radio and wrote web articles for shows like The Current and As It Happens, among other roles. They speak English.

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Video, Video, Ask Kai: Quickies, Dating

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