Top, bottom, verse or switch? How do I decide?

Sexuality is definitely an experiment, but experiment with people not on people

“It’s important to decide what question you’re trying to answer. Is it about reception of penetration or is it about power dynamic or is it both? And it can be really helpful to kind of separate those things because what one enjoys in terms of power dynamic or relationship flavour can sometimes be different from what one enjoys in terms of actual physical actions,” says Xtra advice columnist Kai Cheng Thom. “Try identifying what sex educators sometimes call a core erotic theme… which is a kind of repeating emotional theme that comes up in your erotic fantasies. It could be really fun and interesting to make a little list or catalogue of your erotic fantasies and see what comes up.

It’s our latest in the video series “Ask Kai: Quick Tips for the Apocalypse,” offering relationship advice for those in a hurry.

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