My partner became solo poly without telling me

“Whenever that kind of news comes as a surprise or comes secondhand or thirdhand, then it is likely to be hurtful,” Kai says

“Telling people you are solo poly when you’re already in a relationship and not talking to your partner about it first, is a bit of a dick move,” Kai Cheng Thom advises. “[If only] their partner had talked to them about it first. That conversation might still have been painful or difficult, but it might have been more honest and might have felt more caring and compassionate.”

It’s our latest in the video series “Ask Kai: Quickies,” offering relationship advice for those in a hurry.

Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and social worker who divides her heart between Montreal and Toronto, unceded Indigenous territories. She is the author of the Lambda Award-nominated novel Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir (Metonymy Press), as well as the poetry collection a place called No Homeland (Arsenal Pulp Press). Her latest book, Falling Back in Love with Being Human, a collection of letters and poetry, is out now from Penguin Random House Canada.

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