Skip to content
Xtra Magazine
Xtra Magazine

Need A Suggestion? We got You...

  • Addiction
  • ·
  • Arts
  • ·
  • Asexuality
  • ·
  • Bisexuality
  • ·
  • Blood Ban
  • ·
  • Coming Out
  • ·
  • Conversion therapy
  • ·
  • Cruising
  • ·
  • Disability
  • ·
  • Discrimination
  • ·
  • Education
  • ·
  • Faith & Spirituality
  • ·
  • Fetish & Kink
  • ·
  • Gender identity
  • ·
  • History
  • ·
  • HIV/AIDS
  • ·
  • Human Rights
  • ·
  • Indigenous
  • ·
  • Marriage Equality
  • ·
  • Parenting
  • ·
  • Policing
  • ·
  • Pride
  • ·
  • Race issues
  • ·
  • Sex education
  • ·
  • Social justice
  • ·
  • Trans
  • ·
  • Two-Spirit
  • ·
  • Youth
  • Power
    • Activism
    • Identity
    • Politics
    • Dispatches
    • Protest and Pleasure Series
  • Culture
    • Drag Race
    • Books
    • Music
    • Monthly Tune-Up
    • Playlist Q
    • TV & Film
    • Queer Culture Catchup
    • Queer View Mirror
  • Love & Sex
    • Dating
    • Relationships
    • Ask Kai
    • Love Like Mine Essays
  • Health
    • Sexual Health
    • Mental Health
    • Trans Health
    • Reproductive Health
    • Ask an Expert
  • Video
    • After the Sashay
    • Ask Kai: Quickies
    • Inspired
    • Lucky Stars
    • My Queer Kitchen
    • Speed Date
    • Queer Artists in a Pandemic

Xtra is an online magazine and community platform covering LGBTQ2S+ culture, politics and health. We aim to break boundaries, think outside of binaries and build bridges within our communities and beyond.

Get free Xtra newsletters

Xtra is being blocked on Facebook and Instagram for Canadians as part of Meta’s response to Bill C18. Stay connected, and tell a friend.

Subscribe Now
  • Our principles
  • Inside Xtra
  • The Latest
  • Podcasts
Follow Us:
facebook
twitter
youtube
instagram
tiktok
reddit
RSS
A number of word bubbles in various colours and textures.

Displaying all articles tagged:

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse was Xtra’s popular advice column by Kai Cheng Thom tackling everything from sex and relationships to mental health. It ran for over four years and was accompanied by the video series Ask Kai: Quickies (formerly known as Quick Tips for the Apocalypse). Kai’s new column is called Dangerous Space, in which she helps you unpack hot-button issues in the news, online and in popular culture—bringing nuance and compassion to conversations that often feel fraught.

Ask Kai’s greatest hits
Love & Sex

Ask Kai’s greatest hits

A look back at some of Kai’s best and most notable columns

By Ziya Jones
In the midst of despair, how do you find the will to go on?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

In the midst of despair, how do you find the will to go on?

“We have a calling, here in this decaying world, and that is to live and to serve life with every precious breath that is gifted to us”

By Kai Cheng Thom
My new date is not as political as I am. Is our relationship destined to fail?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My new date is not as political as I am. Is our relationship destined to fail?

A self-proclaimed “lefty queer” questions whether they can find true love with a “gay liberal”

By Kai Cheng Thom
How can I get closure without accountability?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

How can I get closure without accountability?

Kai advises a reader who is having trouble moving on from a years-old hurt

By Kai Cheng Thom
I’ve met someone amazing, but I can’t stand the way he smells. How do I talk to him about it? 
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’ve met someone amazing, but I can’t stand the way he smells. How do I talk to him about it? 

Kai weighs in on how to have a “scentsitive” conversation with a new date 

By Kai Cheng Thom
I’m asexual but I want to have sex at least once. How should I go about it?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m asexual but I want to have sex at least once. How should I go about it?

Kai reminds a reader to “go slowly and to only engage with activities that feel good, or at least okay”

By Kai Cheng Thom
Advertisement

My hookup lied to me and exposed me to an STI. Can I ghost him?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My hookup lied to me and exposed me to an STI. Can I ghost him?

Kai weighs in on whether every breakup has to come with an explanation

By Kai Cheng Thom
Sometimes I don’t feel attracted to my girlfriend. Should I leave her?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Sometimes I don’t feel attracted to my girlfriend. Should I leave her?

Kai advises a reader who is struggling with inconsistent desire

By Kai Cheng Thom
My friend detransitioned and has started to become transphobic. What should I do?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My friend detransitioned and has started to become transphobic. What should I do?

Kai Cheng Thom weighs in on how trans and detransitioned communities can cut through pain and anger to try to find compassion and understanding

By Kai Cheng Thom
My boyfriend can’t accept my body hair. Is it time to break up?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My boyfriend can’t accept my body hair. Is it time to break up?

A trans reader questions at what point a partner’s “preference” can become harmful

By Kai Cheng Thom
Is it ever okay to cheat on a partner?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Is it ever okay to cheat on a partner?

A reader questions whether dishonesty is justified if it prevents conflict

By Kai Cheng Thom
I love banter, but my friends say my teasing is ‘toxic’
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I love banter, but my friends say my teasing is ‘toxic’

A reader questions whether she has to change her personality in order to respect her “tender” friends’ boundaries

By Kai Cheng Thom
Advertisement

My job gives me stability, but it clashes with my politics. Should I quit?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My job gives me stability, but it clashes with my politics. Should I quit?

Kai advises a reader who feels like they’re selling their soul

By Kai Cheng Thom
How can I decolonize my desire?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

How can I decolonize my desire?

I’ve been taught all my life to prioritize white beauty standards and dismiss other BIPOC guys. How can I reclaim my sexuality?

By Kai Cheng Thom
I’m a trans man who doesn’t want to transition medically or socially. Am I betraying my community?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m a trans man who doesn’t want to transition medically or socially. Am I betraying my community?

Kai advises a reader who feels pressure to stay in the closet

By Kai Cheng Thom
My bosses keep misgendering my co-worker. Should I say something?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My bosses keep misgendering my co-worker. Should I say something?

“It takes a strong soul to correct a person in a position of power—but this is what it means to stand up to injustice.”

By Kai Cheng Thom
My ex says I harmed them. How can I disagree without invalidating their experience?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My ex says I harmed them. How can I disagree without invalidating their experience?

A reader navigates wanting to challenge a previous partner’s version of events—without turning the conflict into a “he said, she said” situation

By Kai Cheng Thom
I want to help queer youth—but I’m afraid of being labelled a “groomer”
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I want to help queer youth—but I’m afraid of being labelled a “groomer”

“Let’s go to war with the heterosexual world. Let’s kill the homophobe in our hearts and trample its grave”

By Kai Cheng Thom
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • ...
  • 7
Advertisement
Xtra Magazine
  • About us
    • Our principles
    • Inside Xtra
    • Editorial Standards
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
  • Contact Us
    • Meet the Team
    • How to pitch Xtra
    • Advertise
    • Sponsorship
  • Connect
    • Xtra’s newsletters
    • Where to find Xtra
    • Ken Popert Media Fellowship
    • Get Queer podcast

Get free Xtra newsletters

Xtra is being blocked on Facebook and Instagram for Canadians as part of Meta’s response to Bill C18. Stay connected, and tell a friend.

Subscribe Now

Ⓒ 1971 - 2025 Pink Triangle Press, All right reserved. XTRA™ is a trademark of Pink Triangle Press.
Follow Us:
facebook
twitter
youtube
instagram
tiktok
reddit
RSS