Dating | Xtra Magazine

Xtra is an online magazine and community platform covering LGBTQ2S+ culture, politics and health. We aim to break boundaries, think outside of binaries and build bridges within our communities and beyond.

Catfish or cuddle queen? Dream date or heartbreak?

Better security and screening, Zoe is changing the face of dating apps

Created for Zoe

Ask Kai’s greatest hits

A look back at some of Kai’s best and most notable columns

‘Two Dykes and a Mic’ podcast hosts talk touring, queer community and letting lesbians laugh

Rachel Scanlon and McKenzie Goodwin feel like “it’s summer camp every night”

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’ve met someone amazing, but I can’t stand the way he smells. How do I talk to him about it?

Kai weighs in on how to have a “scentsitive” conversation with a new date

By Kai Cheng Thom

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My hookup lied to me and exposed me to an STI. Can I ghost him?

Kai weighs in on whether every breakup has to come with an explanation

By Kai Cheng Thom

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My boyfriend can’t accept my body hair. Is it time to break up?

A trans reader questions at what point a partner’s “preference” can become harmful

By Kai Cheng Thom

Is Lex abandoning its horniest users?

OPINION: As the app shifts its focus from fisting to friendship, those who initially used the platform for queer romance and sex are wondering if they still belong

By Noelle Perdue

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

How can I decolonize my desire?

I’ve been taught all my life to prioritize white beauty standards and dismiss other BIPOC guys. How can I reclaim my sexuality?

By Kai Cheng Thom

Forget Sapphic yearning. Just make a move already!

But before we can get past intense eye contact and fleeting hand touches, we must first look deep within ourselves

By Cassandra Kislenko

Ask Kai: Quickies

I’m a closeted teen. How do I flirt if I don’t know who’s gay?

“I’m a big fan of just asking questions because that is the way we are most likely to get clear answers,” Kai Cheng advises

By Kai Cheng Thom, Lito Howse

I’m not on PrEP. Is it weird to ask for condoms during hook-ups?

“I assure you, you are doing nothing wrong by asking to practice safer sex,” Kai advises

By Kai Cheng Thom, Lito Howse

Grindr’s new CEO supports ‘some’ of Trump’s policies. Why are we surprised?

OPINION: George Arison’s tweets are just another reminder: corporations are not our friends

By Alex V Green

All I wanted was to make my family happy, until I found what made me happy

PERSONAL ESSAY: An epic love story between an Iraqi Arab and a Punjabi Sikh

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I sent some (fully dressed) selfies to a prospective date and they blocked me. What am I missing?

Kai helps a reader navigate the sometimes complicated world of personal boundaries

By Kai Cheng Thom

Is a love that starts out red-hot more likely to be a love that burns out?

When I was ready to dive deeper, she started pulling away. I barely had the skills to handle it

By Alena Papayanis

Going on a sex vacation made me wonder: am I demisexual?

After a breakup, I thought I wanted to dive headfirst into casual sex. But I learned sexuality and desire are rarely static or easily defined

Double disclosure: How getting herpes helped me come out as bisexual

I’m still afraid of people’s reactions, but I’ve learned to live with the fear

Dating as an autistic person can be challenging—but it’s also joyful and hot

Reframing the way we view “autistic traits,” like directness and openness, can make dating better for just about everybody

By Cassandra Kislenko

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