Ask Kai: Quickies

I’m a closeted teen. How do I flirt if I don’t know who’s gay?

"I'm a big fan of just asking questions because that is the way we are most likely to get clear answers," Kai Cheng advises

By Kai Cheng Thom, Lito Howse • November 29, 2022 12:48 pm EDT

“No one knows how to flirt. It is an ancient mystery stretching back to the dawn of time,” Kai Cheng Thom says. “Yes, there are people who write books about it, there are YouTube videos, there are scam artists, there are tips, there are tricks, but no one knows how to flirt. Why? Because it is not a formula. It’s so much about feeling the energy of the other person and knowing what feels flirty to them, what feels flirty to you, and what the overlap is.”

It’s our latest in the video series “Ask Kai: Quickies,” offering sex and relationship advice for those in a hurry.

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Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and social worker who divides her heart between Montreal and Toronto, unceded Indigenous territories. She is the author of the Lambda Award-nominated novel Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir (Metonymy Press), as well as the poetry collection a place called No Homeland (Arsenal Pulp Press). Her latest book, Falling Back in Love with Being Human, a collection of letters and poetry, is out now from Penguin Random House Canada.

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Lito Howse (they/them) is a queer and trans/non-binary identified videographer, editor and producer based in Toronto. They previously worked for the CBC where they wrote TV stories, edited and control room produced for News Network. They also produced videos for CBC Radio and wrote web articles for shows like The Current and As It Happens, among other roles. They speak English.

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