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Xtra is an online magazine and community platform covering LGBTQ2S+ culture, politics and health. We aim to break boundaries, think outside of binaries and build bridges within our communities and beyond.

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Kai Cheng Thom

Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and social worker who divides her heart between Montreal and Toronto, unceded Indigenous territories. She is the author of the Lambda Award-nominated novel Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir (Metonymy Press), as well as the poetry collection a place called No Homeland (Arsenal Pulp Press). Her latest book, Falling Back in Love with Being Human, a collection of letters and poetry, is out now from Penguin Random House Canada.

Why queer and trans people need to resist pinkwashing
Dangerous Space

Why queer and trans people need to resist pinkwashing

OPINION: Israel’s genocidal campaign is no victory for LGBTQ+ rights

November 21, 2023
Trans kids are people, not property
Dangerous Space

Trans kids are people, not property

OPINION: Conservative politicians across Canada have signalled their support for so-called “parental rights.” But children and youth have rights of their own

November 10, 2023
In the midst of despair, how do you find the will to go on?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

In the midst of despair, how do you find the will to go on?

“We have a calling, here in this decaying world, and that is to live and to serve life with every precious breath that is gifted to us”

August 30, 2023
My new date is not as political as I am. Is our relationship destined to fail?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My new date is not as political as I am. Is our relationship destined to fail?

A self-proclaimed “lefty queer” questions whether they can find true love with a “gay liberal”

July 11, 2023
How can I get closure without accountability?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

How can I get closure without accountability?

Kai advises a reader who is having trouble moving on from a years-old hurt

June 27, 2023
I’ve met someone amazing, but I can’t stand the way he smells. How do I talk to him about it? 
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’ve met someone amazing, but I can’t stand the way he smells. How do I talk to him about it? 

Kai weighs in on how to have a “scentsitive” conversation with a new date 

June 13, 2023
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I’m asexual but I want to have sex at least once. How should I go about it?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m asexual but I want to have sex at least once. How should I go about it?

Kai reminds a reader to “go slowly and to only engage with activities that feel good, or at least okay”

May 30, 2023
My hookup lied to me and exposed me to an STI. Can I ghost him?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My hookup lied to me and exposed me to an STI. Can I ghost him?

Kai weighs in on whether every breakup has to come with an explanation

May 17, 2023
Sometimes I don’t feel attracted to my girlfriend. Should I leave her?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Sometimes I don’t feel attracted to my girlfriend. Should I leave her?

Kai advises a reader who is struggling with inconsistent desire

April 25, 2023
My friend detransitioned and has started to become transphobic. What should I do?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My friend detransitioned and has started to become transphobic. What should I do?

Kai Cheng Thom weighs in on how trans and detransitioned communities can cut through pain and anger to try to find compassion and understanding

March 28, 2023
My boyfriend can’t accept my body hair. Is it time to break up?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My boyfriend can’t accept my body hair. Is it time to break up?

A trans reader questions at what point a partner’s “preference” can become harmful

March 14, 2023
Is it ever okay to cheat on a partner?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Is it ever okay to cheat on a partner?

A reader questions whether dishonesty is justified if it prevents conflict

February 28, 2023
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I love banter, but my friends say my teasing is ‘toxic’
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I love banter, but my friends say my teasing is ‘toxic’

A reader questions whether she has to change her personality in order to respect her “tender” friends’ boundaries

February 14, 2023
The lasting impact of Mira Bellwether’s zine, ‘Fucking Trans Women’
Love & Sex

The lasting impact of Mira Bellwether’s zine, ‘Fucking Trans Women’

Bellwether passed away in December, but her legacy lives on through her work

January 24, 2023
My job gives me stability, but it clashes with my politics. Should I quit?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My job gives me stability, but it clashes with my politics. Should I quit?

Kai advises a reader who feels like they’re selling their soul

January 18, 2023
How can I decolonize my desire?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

How can I decolonize my desire?

I’ve been taught all my life to prioritize white beauty standards and dismiss other BIPOC guys. How can I reclaim my sexuality?

December 20, 2022
Can I text a break-up?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Can I text a break-up?

Text isn’t ideal, Kai Cheng advises, but the best type of break-up conversation is one you can actually do

December 16, 2022
I’m a trans man who doesn’t want to transition medically or socially. Am I betraying my community?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m a trans man who doesn’t want to transition medically or socially. Am I betraying my community?

Kai advises a reader who feels pressure to stay in the closet

December 6, 2022
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