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Ask Kai: Quickies

Ask Kai: Quickies (formally known as Quick Tips for the Apocalypse) is Xtra’s video series featuring sex and relationship advice from Kai Cheng Thom. If you want a deeper dive and have the time, Kai’s text-based column, Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse, is definitely worth checking out.

How can I ask someone to fulfill my mommy fantasy?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How can I ask someone to fulfill my mommy fantasy?

When it comes to kinky sex, it’s best to test the waters first

By Xtra Video
How can I start sexting with someone without being presumptuous or off-putting?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How can I start sexting with someone without being presumptuous or off-putting?

“Always look for the hallmarks of consent,” Kai says

By Xtra Video
Will my partner still find me attractive if I transition?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Will my partner still find me attractive if I transition?

Kai says “this is not usually about the trans person’s beauty because trans people are gorgeous and sexy”

By Xtra Video
My partner is well endowed. What can we do to make sex less painful?
Ask Kai: Quickies

My partner is well endowed. What can we do to make sex less painful?

The key is to go slow and warm up!

By Xtra Video
My partner and I are vaccinated, but my partner’s parents are not
Ask Kai: Quickies

My partner and I are vaccinated, but my partner’s parents are not

With the Omicron variant and rising Covid-19 cases, should we be cautious about spending the holidays with family members who are unvaccinated?

By Xtra Video
‘May-December’ age gaps and queer romances
Ask Kai: Quickies

‘May-December’ age gaps and queer romances

I’m 32 years old and my partner is 21 years old. Is it still okay to date?

By Xtra Video
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My dating app hookup catfished me
Ask Kai: Quickies

My dating app hookup catfished me

A viewer wants to ask Kai, “Am I allowed to send them home?”

By Xtra Video
My partner gives bad head
Ask Kai: Quickies

My partner gives bad head

Am I allowed to tell them how to do it better or is that rude?

By Xtra Video
How can I support my bisexual partner?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How can I support my bisexual partner?

Just remember, you’re in it together

By Xtra Video
I’m asexual, but my partner is not
Ask Kai: Quickies

I’m asexual, but my partner is not

Communication, consent and self-discovery are key to keeping the relationship—and the intimacy—healthy

By Xtra Video
Any advice for someone coming out in their 40s?
Ask Kai: Quickies

Any advice for someone coming out in their 40s?

It’s a long journey to self-discovery, so enjoy the process!

By Xtra Video
How can I ask for what I want in bed?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How can I ask for what I want in bed?

“Great question,” Kai Cheng Thom responds to a reader. “If you figure it out, let me know” 

By Xtra Video
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How do I ask my friend if they want to hook up?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do I ask my friend if they want to hook up?

Let the awkwardness wash over you

By Xtra Video
My family is still struggling to remember my pronouns. What can I do?
Ask Kai: Quickies

My family is still struggling to remember my pronouns. What can I do?

Aim for “patience and gentle compassion, but also holding boundaries,” Kai says

By Xtra Video
An advice apocalypse: ¡Hola Papi! author JP Brammer and Kai Cheng Thom
Ask Kai: Quickies

An advice apocalypse: ¡Hola Papi! author JP Brammer and Kai Cheng Thom

Because sometimes even Kai needs a few quick tips

By Xtra Video
I’m ready for my hot vax summer. Now what?
Ask Kai: Quickies

I’m ready for my hot vax summer. Now what?

“Nobody knows. There aren’t rules.”

Is there an ethical way to ghost someone?
Video

Is there an ethical way to ghost someone?

A reader wonders what’s the least bad way to avoid someone

By Xtra Video
How do I talk to my boss about my name and pronouns?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do I talk to my boss about my name and pronouns?

A trans reader asks how to advocate for their rights at work

By Xtra Video
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