Kai advises a reader who wants to honour her friend’s boundaries—without sacrificing her own

Sex in general can be weird, but a great orgy starts with collective consent and continuous communication

“Consent has many dimensions, and it can be really helpful to go into detail about what’s going on in any given interaction”

Check out the 14 LGBTQ2S+ books we’re most excited to dive into this Pride

A tricky question because there could be a lot of other questions behind it

My girlfriend and I are experiencing a lot of high-intensity conflict and anger—which is making me question whether either of us is being abusive

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe the real question is, “Why does that matter?”

Kai Cheng Thom weighs in on boundaries, cultural appropriation and how we can all grow through conflict

When it comes to pleasure, it all boils down to exploration

Kai advises a reader that relationship anarchy isn’t free from jealousy—or boundaries

Like mixing paints into new colours, erotic intimacy can be surprising

Non-abusive conflict can still lead to harm. But, Kai says, “taking accountability is not the same thing as giving up your truth”

Some people might be into the fantasy and less into the actual experience

Kai advises a trans reader who keeps on getting ghosted: “your actions should be focused on providing yourself with closure instead of trying to squeeze it out of him”

When it comes to kinky sex, it’s best to test the waters first

“It’s important to recognize that our sexual preferences don’t emerge from a vacuum”

“Always look for the hallmarks of consent,” Kai says

“Breaking up is nearly always unpleasant. If you have to be a villain—temporarily!—how can you play that role with the greatest possible integrity and kindness?”

Advice

How do you have group sex that isn’t weird?

Our pick of books to help you celebrate Pride season (plus some edgier reads, too)

How can I tell my partner that I want more alone time?

How do I know whether my relationship is abusive?

Does being curious about ‘butt stuff’ make me gay?

My white friend is calling themselves a ‘shamanic’ healer. Should I tell them to stop?

Can anyone have nipple orgasms?

My girlfriend wants to sleep with her other partners, but not with me—is that selfish?

Is it a good idea to have a threesome with my two best friends?

My ex-roommate says I’m abusive for leaving my dirty dishes in the sink. Do I owe them accountability?

Is scissoring actually good for anyone?

I got ghosted by a guy I really like. Should I confront him?

How can I ask someone to fulfill my mommy fantasy?

The guy I’m seeing says he likes trans women, but won’t go down on them. Should I ditch him?

How can I start sexting with someone without being presumptuous or off-putting?

I’m just not that into the guy I’m seeing. Can I ghost him?