How do I gain the confidence to use a strap-on?

Give yourself permission to enter the realm of sexuality with an open mind, ready to get messy and make mistakes

Is it ever the right choice to ‘cancel’ someone?

We’re heading into murky ethical territory, advice columnist Kai Cheng Thom cautions. But even in the darkest places, there is hope, healing and an abundance of life, in all its messy glory

By Kai Cheng Thom

Love Like Mine

As I medically transitioned, my relationship got a whole lot gayer

Through marriage, pregnancy, birth and transition, my relationship to my partner, a fellow rock climber, kept evolving along with me

By Sage Agee

Ask Kai: Quickies

Top, bottom, verse or switch? How do I decide?

Sexuality is definitely an experiment, but experiment with people not on people

By Xtra Video

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I think my friend is misusing words like ‘accountability’ and ‘harm.’ What should I do?

Kai advises a reader who wants to honour her friend’s boundaries—without sacrificing her own

By Kai Cheng Thom

Ask Kai: Quickies

How do you have group sex that isn’t weird?

Sex in general can be weird, but a great orgy starts with collective consent and continuous communication

By Xtra Video

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I crossed my partner’s sexual boundaries without even realizing it. What does that make me?

“Consent has many dimensions, and it can be really helpful to go into detail about what’s going on in any given interaction”

By Kai Cheng Thom

Love & Sex

Going on a sex vacation made me wonder: am I demisexual?

After a breakup, I thought I wanted to dive headfirst into casual sex. But I learned sexuality and desire are rarely static or easily defined

By Bobby Box

Love Like Mine

Double disclosure: How getting herpes helped me come out as bisexual

I’m still afraid of people’s reactions, but I’ve learned to live with the fear

By Cam Smith

Ask Kai: Quickies

How can I tell my partner that I want more alone time?

A tricky question because there could be a lot of other questions behind it

By Xtra Video

Relationships

Antarctica just had its first gay wedding

Stephen Carpenter and Eric Bourne became the first same-sex couple married in British Antarctic territory this past Sunday

By Oliver Haug

Relationships

How do I know whether my relationship is abusive?

My girlfriend and I are experiencing a lot of high-intensity conflict and anger—which is making me question whether either of us is being abusive

By Kai Cheng Thom

Ask Kai: Quickies

Does being curious about ‘butt stuff’ make me gay?

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe the real question is, “Why does that matter?”

By Xtra Video

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My white friend is calling themselves a ‘shamanic’ healer. Should I tell them to stop?

Kai Cheng Thom weighs in on boundaries, cultural appropriation and how we can all grow through conflict

By Kai Cheng Thom

Love & Sex

I joined the ‘ball sex revolution’ and turned my scrotum into a dildo

The new sex toy Balldo promises to help users acheive a “ballgasm.” But is that something any of us really need to have?

By Bobby Box

Ask Kai: Quickies

Can anyone have nipple orgasms?

When it comes to pleasure, it all boils down to exploration

By Xtra Video

Love & Sex

My girlfriend wants to sleep with her other partners, but not with me—is that selfish?

Kai advises a reader that relationship anarchy isn’t free from jealousy—or boundaries

By Kai Cheng Thom

Ask Kai: Quickies

Is it a good idea to have a threesome with my two best friends?

Like mixing paints into new colours, erotic intimacy can be surprising

By Xtra Video