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Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse was Xtra’s popular advice column by Kai Cheng Thom tackling everything from sex and relationships to mental health. It ran for over four years and was accompanied by the video series Ask Kai: Quickies (formerly known as Quick Tips for the Apocalypse). Kai’s new column is called Dangerous Space, in which she helps you unpack hot-button issues in the news, online and in popular culture—bringing nuance and compassion to conversations that often feel fraught.

I’m afraid my family will reject me for being non-binary. How do I come out to them?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m afraid my family will reject me for being non-binary. How do I come out to them?

Kai gives guidance to a newly-out non-binary person navigating how to be open with the people they love

By Kai Cheng Thom
I’m imperfect, but I’m trying to make change. How do I stop activists from dragging me?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m imperfect, but I’m trying to make change. How do I stop activists from dragging me?

Kai advises a so-called “sellout” on how to navigate conflict and build boundaries within her community

By Kai Cheng Thom
As an older trans man, do I have anything to offer the younger generation?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

As an older trans man, do I have anything to offer the younger generation?

Kai guides an elder on how to heal trauma and close the queer generation gap 

By Kai Cheng Thom
Is it okay to be angry when people don’t want to have sex with me?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Is it okay to be angry when people don’t want to have sex with me?

Kai encourages a gay Asian man to celebrate his desirability and sexuality despite racism in the gay dating scene

By Kai Cheng Thom
Am I being too picky in my disdain for online dating?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Am I being too picky in my disdain for online dating?

Kai counsels a discerning demisexual on making virtual romantic connections in a pandemic era

By Kai Cheng Thom
My partner and I have loud fights that a friend of mine thinks might be abusive. Is she right? Is yelling the same as abuse?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My partner and I have loud fights that a friend of mine thinks might be abusive. Is she right? Is yelling the same as abuse?

Kai on the difference between conflict and abuse—and the value of healthy anger 

By Kai Cheng Thom
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I’m friends with my ex, but I still have feelings for them. How can I move on?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m friends with my ex, but I still have feelings for them. How can I move on?

Kai Cheng Thom offers rituals to heal our grieving hearts and release our unrequited loves

By Kai Cheng Thom
People never seem to need me as much as I do them. Am I an emotional vampire?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

People never seem to need me as much as I do them. Am I an emotional vampire?

Kai suggests ways an isolated gay man can live out his stories of need and pain

By Kai Cheng Thom
I told my boyfriend he can’t watch porn. Am I too controlling?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I told my boyfriend he can’t watch porn. Am I too controlling?

Kai Cheng Thom responds to an online sex worker struggling to set relationship boundaries

By Kai Cheng Thom
I live alone, I’m single and I’m starved for physical touch. How can I be intimate with others right now and still stay safe?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I live alone, I’m single and I’m starved for physical touch. How can I be intimate with others right now and still stay safe?

By Kai Cheng Thom
How do I know if I’m asexual?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do I know if I’m asexual?

By Xtra Video
My boyfriend enjoys his job as an online sex worker, but I’m worried about his safety. Is my anxiety justified?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My boyfriend enjoys his job as an online sex worker, but I’m worried about his safety. Is my anxiety justified?

By Kai Cheng Thom
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I get flirty vibes from my “straight” friend. What do I do?
Ask Kai: Quickies

I get flirty vibes from my “straight” friend. What do I do?

By Xtra Video
I’m a young lesbian who wants to play the field. Does that make me a fuckboi?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m a young lesbian who wants to play the field. Does that make me a fuckboi?

By Kai Cheng Thom
I think my straight friend might actually be gay. Should I encourage him to come out?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I think my straight friend might actually be gay. Should I encourage him to come out?

By Kai Cheng Thom
I’m an old, out and proud lesbian. Am I transphobic if I don’t want to have sex with trans women?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m an old, out and proud lesbian. Am I transphobic if I don’t want to have sex with trans women?

By Kai Cheng Thom
How do I come out as bisexual to people I’m dating?
Ask Kai: Quickies

How do I come out as bisexual to people I’m dating?

By Xtra Video
My girlfriend hates using dental dams. Should we break up?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My girlfriend hates using dental dams. Should we break up?

By Kai Cheng Thom
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