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Xtra is an online magazine and community platform covering LGBTQ2S+ culture, politics and health. We aim to break boundaries, think outside of binaries and build bridges within our communities and beyond.

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Kai Cheng Thom

Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and social worker who divides her heart between Montreal and Toronto, unceded Indigenous territories. She is the author of the Lambda Award-nominated novel Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir (Metonymy Press), as well as the poetry collection a place called No Homeland (Arsenal Pulp Press). Her latest book, Falling Back in Love with Being Human, a collection of letters and poetry, is out now from Penguin Random House Canada.

My genital warts returned and it’s ruined my self-esteem and intimacy with my partner. How do I forgive myself?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My genital warts returned and it’s ruined my self-esteem and intimacy with my partner. How do I forgive myself?

July 21, 2020
I’m a gay sex worker and COVID-19 has affected my income. My friends say I should look for a ‘safer’ job. What should I do?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m a gay sex worker and COVID-19 has affected my income. My friends say I should look for a ‘safer’ job. What should I do?

July 7, 2020
Quarantining with my partner made me realize I want to break up. Should I leave or try to save this?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Quarantining with my partner made me realize I want to break up. Should I leave or try to save this?

June 23, 2020
I’m a cis guy looking to date a trans woman. How do I start?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m a cis guy looking to date a trans woman. How do I start?

June 9, 2020
I love my boyfriend, but he’s the only guy I’ve slept with. Can I have a ‘slutty phase’ without destroying our relationship?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I love my boyfriend, but he’s the only guy I’ve slept with. Can I have a ‘slutty phase’ without destroying our relationship?

May 26, 2020
Sobriety exposed how I treated my past partners. I’m ready to date again, but do I even deserve to find love?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

Sobriety exposed how I treated my past partners. I’m ready to date again, but do I even deserve to find love?

May 12, 2020
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My girlfriend and I have an active sex life—but she won’t go down on me. How do I bring this up without shaming her?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My girlfriend and I have an active sex life—but she won’t go down on me. How do I bring this up without shaming her?

April 28, 2020
My roommates aren’t physically distancing and I’ve had enough. Should I call the police?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My roommates aren’t physically distancing and I’ve had enough. Should I call the police?

April 14, 2020
I’m an old gay rights activist who wants to support the younger generation. Shouldn’t I expect that support in return?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m an old gay rights activist who wants to support the younger generation. Shouldn’t I expect that support in return?

March 31, 2020
How queer and marginalized communities can take care of one another during COVID-19
Love & Sex

How queer and marginalized communities can take care of one another during COVID-19

In this pandemic, extremes of human nature are revealing themselves. It has never been more important to choose each other—and our best selves

March 18, 2020
I just got out of a long-term, sexless relationship. I want to hire a sex worker but I’m conflicted, and self-conscious. Should I just forget it?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I just got out of a long-term, sexless relationship. I want to hire a sex worker but I’m conflicted, and self-conscious. Should I just forget it?

March 17, 2020
My trans partner is traumatized by her transition, and is too triggered to support me through mine. I’m so hurt. Can this relationship be saved?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My trans partner is traumatized by her transition, and is too triggered to support me through mine. I’m so hurt. Can this relationship be saved?

March 3, 2020
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My abusive ex and I run in the same queer arts circle, and I can’t leave the community without risking my livelihood. What should I do?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My abusive ex and I run in the same queer arts circle, and I can’t leave the community without risking my livelihood. What should I do?

February 18, 2020
I’m a queer support worker who struggles with addiction. How can I be open about this without risking my job?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

I’m a queer support worker who struggles with addiction. How can I be open about this without risking my job?

February 4, 2020
My wife and I are new parents—and I’m miserable and exhausted. How can I stop feeling like a terrible parent?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My wife and I are new parents—and I’m miserable and exhausted. How can I stop feeling like a terrible parent?

January 21, 2020
After my divorce I came out as gay—now my adult kids hate me. How do I mend our relationship?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

After my divorce I came out as gay—now my adult kids hate me. How do I mend our relationship?

January 7, 2020
My white queer friends think I should ditch my Southeast Asian parents for the holidays because they don’t accept that I’m queer. Who do I choose?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My white queer friends think I should ditch my Southeast Asian parents for the holidays because they don’t accept that I’m queer. Who do I choose?

December 24, 2019
My best friends are having babies, but I don’t want kids. How do I stay connected to my chosen family?
Ask Kai: Advice for the Apocalypse

My best friends are having babies, but I don’t want kids. How do I stay connected to my chosen family?

December 10, 2019
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