That’s Kenny!

Oh my goddess! Kenny Brain has really brought out that teen fan-girl goodness in me again. I don’t think I’ve been this obsessed with a cute boy since like, a week ago, when I was crushing on some up-and-coming porn pup named Kris Irons.

For those of you who don’t know, Mr Brain is one of the contestants on Big Brother Canada 2. I seriously can’t believe I’m watching this show. I hate Big Brother, but Kenny is just too adorable. He’s a 25-year-old model from Grand Falls-Windsor, Newfoundland. He recently moved to Montreal with his beloved dog in tow.

Have you seen that cute GIF of Kenny kissing puppy’s nose? You really should. It’s the sweetest thing ever. It’s been getting me through the mean reds — it really has.

Kenny is also a gay! His strategy is to play the game as a straight guy. He has said, “If there’s a woman that will further my game, I’ll flirt with her.”

Hmmm. Kenny seems to have forgotten there are lesbians in the world, so I’m not sure if this is the wisest plan, but it is great fun to watch this bearded beauty play the game. First off: the outfits. He has that Brooklyn hipster look going on, which is basically old-school Canadian voyageur with skinny jeans. He’s got the black-and-red-check flannel lounging pants, a few Henleys, a vintage-style robe, a union suit. All the manly, butch trimmings that queers have been wearing for, like, ever.

But the best thing about our Miss Brain is that he frequently wears a toque on his head and something to cover his bathing-suit area — and that’s it. So most of the time he’s either in his tight, bright-red bathing suit or his David Beckham for H&M tighty-whities. Kenny is pretty much shirtless 24/7 and strutting his stuff for the ladies of the house and the boys watching on their laptops.

To play “straight,” he uses the word “dude” a lot when he’s angry at a teammate, high-fives all over the place and holds his tight muscular torso like the “professional model” that he is. Brain knows where all the cameras are and works the hotness effortlessly.

So far, he’s made an alliance with five members, including Andrew Gordon, a big, muscled, bald stud who loves his hops (insert eye-roll here). The boys also share a bed. Let me just tell you that last night I watched the live feed of the two sleeping. Kenny slept with a pillow over his face. It was hot.

I’m not the only one mad for Kenny Brain, it seems. There’s already a Facebook group, a few Twitter groups (one deservingly devoted to his lovely red beard), numerous Tumblrs and a “#braintrain” T-shirt is available for purchase (I’ve placed my order).

But watch out, Kenny! BBCAN2 has just added three new contestants, and they’re living in a secret room. Their names are Scott, Nate and Alison. Scott is a medical secretary by day — and a drag queen by night. She’s a hoot already. When the three get a first look at the contestants on their TV monitors and see all the boy hotness, Scott screams, “Oh my god, he’s hot!”

Things are going to get interesting, people! I can’t wait.

Oh, and one last thing: I got to see Kenny’s little bum last night. Hairy crack. Stunning. I screen-saved it and posted it in the image box at the top of this story. Life is good.