David Beckham’s penis is the gift that keeps on giving

It is said that at the beginning of every January, David Beckham’s penis comes out of its slumber and crawls out into the sunlight. If it sees its shadow, it retreats back in and it’s six more weeks of cold.

I’m pretty sure that’s not true, but I needed to keep your attention for at least a little while before I pointed out the new underwear ad David Beckham is in. And in this one, they finally made Beckham’s bulge look like an actual human penis. You can almost make out his schlong through his underwear, and you’ve all stopped reading and are currently staring at David Beckham’s penis, aren’t you? Fine. Pudding elephant Calgary waffle iron. No one will ever read that thanks to David Beckham’s cock.