The F Word

F is for fault, n. & v.

1. responsibility for a mistake, failure, or act of wrongdoing

2. a failing or character weakness in somebody

3. something that detracts from the integrity, functioning, or perfection of a thing

4. an error, especially in calculation

5. a wrongful action

Like when you’re the prime minister and you are tasked with developing economic policies that will stimulate the economy and benefit all, but instead you use the opportunity to swipe at your enemies, by eliminating the $1.95 subsidy per vote that goes to political parties.

This attack on your political foes is quite deliberate and has nothing to do with saving taxpayers’ money. The bulk of your party funding comes from private sources such as large corporations. You know full well that the elimination of the subsidy will bankrupt the Liberals, giving your party less opposition. The only thing stopping you from executing your far right ideological agenda is that you have a minority government and there are opposition MPs to challenge you.

F is for fun·da·men·tal·ism, n. —a religious or political movement based on a literal interpretation of and strict adherence to doctrine.

Like when you’re the prime minister of a country, like say, oh, Canada, which includes in its Charter of Rights protection from discrimination on the basis of gender, and yet you add a clause in your economic statement that will eliminate funding to the pay equity program. If this point remains in the budget, women who are paid less than their male counterparts will have no remedy to address the inequity.

Or, like when you were elected prime minister with a minority government a few years ago, and the first thing you did was call a “free” vote on same-sex marriage, which had already passed into law. Lots of queer couples were already married and no one fainted or died or went broke when gay and lesbian couples across the country stood up before their friends and family and a marriage commissioner and read their vows to each other. No one was adversely affected. Especially not any heterosexuals.

F is for fight, v.

1. to enter into, or carry on a battle, or other contest, such as an election

2. a determined effort to achieve or gain something, or to resist or oppose something or somebody.

Like when instead of facing an inevitable non-confidence vote, you shut down Parliament, giving your party time to plaster people with propaganda that slams your opposition, makes them sound stark raving mad, like commie pinko queers and separatists, even when you began your political career as a “western separatist.”

Or when you threaten to use all means at your disposal to remain in power, even when two thirds of the country did not vote for you and are considering moving to France or Australia, or even the US (now that they finally have a sane, intelligent president), if you were to ever be voted back in with a majority.

F is for fake, n. —somebody or something that is not genuine, but is presented as, or appears to be, genuine.

Like when you issue a statement that pretends to save taxpayers money by putting a cap on raises to public employees, but really it’s about slipping in a clause that takes away the right to strike.

If public workers don’t have the right to strike, we’re on a slippery slope, one from which we could potentially all slide until we hit bottom and we’re asked to take a pay cut to compensate for the greed of certain CEOs like, for example, the ones running the auto industry, who could have been building electric cars 15 years ago but realized they could make more money convincing the public that we all need to drive super-size SUVs, and who now pretend they didn’t see the writing on the wall and the only way they can prevent the laying off of thousands of workers is with a government bailout.

F is for façade, n. —the way something or somebody appears on the surface, especially when that appearance is false or meant to deceive.

Like for example, when you say the opposition parties are planning a “coup” or “trying to grab power through backroom deals” yet, constitutionally it’s perfectly legitimate to form a coalition to govern when the sitting prime minister has lost the confidence of the House of Commons.

F is for fab·ri·cate, v. —to make up something that is not true.

Like when you pretend you did not form your own coalition with the Bloc Québécois a few short years ago to bring down former Prime Minister Paul Martin’s budget, when you were leader of the opposition.

F is for farce, n. —a ridiculous situation in which everything goes wrong or becomes a sham.

Like the “political crisis” you forced on the country this month in your lust to hold onto power.

F is for furious, which I and many other Canadians are, as you clearly have no respect for the parliamentary process, are intent on governing only for people who share your ideology and have risked democracy and Canada’s international reputation just to save your job, while many Canadians are at this very moment, being laid off from theirs.

F is for fail. We all know what that means.

F is also for flunk. F is for fool, facsimile, factitious, factoid, fallacy, fallible, false, falter, fatuous, faux pas, feint, fictive, foul, fractious, fad, fade, fall and farewell.

F is for fas·cism, n. —any movement, tendency, or ideology that favours dictatorial government, centralized control of private enterprise, repression of all opposition, and extreme nationalism.