Cleaning house for our competitive relatives

I hate sports.

It dates back to childhood trauma and the emotional baggage of being the last one chosen for every team sport I ever played in PE class or after school. Don’t even get me started on how I got my first period during the last inning of baseball in Grade Five.

Naturally, I’ve been a grouch ever since I found out my home was going to be hosting this vile lot: people who spend their lives trying to be faster or more agile than other people who are also pretty darned fast and agile. It’s absurd. I don’t get it now and I’ll probably never understand.

My crank was obviously augmented once it became clear that sports trump arts and healthcare and social justice. “Might as well give me a wedgie and shove me in a locker all over again,” I’ve been saying to anyone who’ll listen.

I’ve been a bitch about this from Day One. But before you are totally turned off by my bitterness, let me tell you that I’ve rethought my position.

I’ve realized that living in Vancouver is like belonging to a big dysfunctional family. We’ve got the annoying competitive relatives coming over, and to prepare, we’ve all been put on diets. Mummy and Daddy (interpret as you wish – I see Campbell in a frilly apron and Harper holding a cat-o-nine-tails) have been so concerned with appearances and how we’ll be sized up that they’ve been running around buying new furnishings and tossing anything questionable into dumpsters.

Being a near-questionable myself has caused a number of sleepless nights, but it’s clear now that I’ll be okay. I’ve passed the test. My room is clean enough; I don’t have to move into the basement or stay with a friend.

I can’t say the same for my old roommate who panhandles at Main and 6th.

But here’s the deal. I’m sick of feeling traumatized. I’ve spent my whole life resisting bullies in one way or another and I’m tired. I’m not admitting defeat and I’m not advocating for that old chestnut “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” But I am saying that I hereby refuse to be consumed by anger for the next month.

Yeah, this time is absurd. Yeah, it’s a major loss in every category that I care about and, yeah, I feel judged by my leaders and see people I care about being cast away in all directions.

We’ve made so many sacrifices for this. We’re hiding family secrets and we’ll be paying for this for years to come. We might as well enjoy the show.

Go Team Canada.