Dear Dr Ren,
I gave birth to a daughter about six months ago, and mothers and baby are all happy and healthy.
I have a most personal of questions about a change that I’ve noticed with my body, one I’m too embarrassed to discuss with anyone, even my wife. Since my child’s birth, I’ve noticed that one of the hemorrhoids I developed during pregnancy has not gone away. It doesn’t bleed or hurt. In fact, I’ve noticed that it is particularly sensitive sexually. Anal sex has never been part of our lovemaking, and I find that now I really want that hemorrhoid touched.
How do I bring up something like this? What is this thing, anyway? Will it go away? Do others experience this?
Baby Bottom
Dear Baby Bottom,
Isn’t it odd how embarrassed we can feel about our ass holes even with our sexual partners? Taboos are hard to kick, and this one is costing you sexual pleasure! Analyze where your discomfort originates and rethink.
It is difficult to get information about this benefit of childbirth. An internet search led me to . . . nothing! Even Tristan Taormino and Jack Morin, our recognized authorities on anal pleasure and health, are silent on this topic. Still, anecdotal evidence abounds. You may hear other women talking about it in a group with other new mothers. In fact, this may be the ideal forum in which to bring it up!
You are describing what I call a birth tag, not uncommon following childbirth. It is actually the remnant of a hemorrhoid, devoid now of a blood supply, but still remaining innervated, as is the rest of our perineal area. Call it a souvenir of labour. You will likely find that it is a permanent feature. And, yes, these birth tags can be extremely sexually sensitive!
The anus, connected to pelvic muscles and endowed with nerve endings, contracts with orgasm along with the rest of the genital area. Kinsey noted about 50 percent of people enjoyed anal stimulation. Playboy followed with a survey that found about half of men and over 60 percent of women had at least experimented with butt sex. You now have an “extra” pleasure button. It would be a pity to ignore it.
The highest concentration of nerve endings is around the anal opening itself. Further inside responds mainly to pressure. Your birth tag boasts great potential for pleasure due to its location.
Childbirth is an enormous physical event, precipitating many body changes. Nipples may become more (or less) sensitive, as may your vulva and vagina. If penetration before was limited to a few fingers, you may discover a penchant for fisting. You may find that you can now ejaculate. You’ll not know, however, until and unless you experiment.
And to do this, you’ll need to talk with your lover about your experience. You can open the discussion gently as you talk about all your other inevitable life changes now that you are parents. Though you may find the birth tag topic embarrassing, you are, in fact, offering your wife another erogenous zone to play with. That’s got to be an easy sell! Most lovers delight in knowing every bit of their partner’s body geography.
In fact, learning to talk openly about your changed and changing body is necessary if you anticipate a long-term relationship. Age, medications, disease, lifestyle choices: all alter our bodies. Sex improves with our comfort in being vulnerable — and light-hearted. It’s an ongoing process and improves with time.
You stand on the brink of a whole new phase of your life, and unique sexual delights are part of that. Boost your communication skills and partner intimacy and you’ll move forward with the tools required to live a fulfilled and fulfilling life.
Dr Pega Ren is Daily Xtra’s queer- and kink-friendly sex therapist, specializing in relationship and sexual issues, including concerns of the aging population. To learn more about her and the work she does, or to book a session, visit her website at smartsextalk.com.
Have a question for Dr Ren? Send an email to asktheexpert@dailyxtra.com
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