Visions of sugarplums danced in their heads

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, all of its conventions — the family gatherings, the desperate shopping, the tacky decorations — are still awfully fun to mock and no one did it better than John Waters! “Female Trouble” ranks with “It’s a Wonderful Life” as a holiday classic:

My own Christmas celebrations haven’t been quite so catastrophic. They tend to go more like this:

When family dinner gets extra passive-aggressive, I tend to start imagining this:

And, after staying with my parents for days, I start to thank the underwear people who give us Christmas-themed soft-porn cheese:

Guest-blogging for Boing Boing, sexpert Susie Bright reminds us why children can be a trial this time of year (or any, really):

But maybe, if you’re lucky, your holiday just might end up as adorable as Luke and Noah under the mistletoe:

Whoever posted that video, by the way, helpfully labelled it “Luke and Noah Kiss 18” — number one being a full year-and-a-half ago. Still no sign of any sex yet. Is there an Amnesty International for fictional soap opera characters?

But hey, maybe I’ll keep watching, since I’m taking the rest of the week off to eat turkey and defensively explain to relatives that yes, writing is a job and no, I am not done with “that gay thing” yet. Have a merry week and I’ll see you Monday!