If you’ve been out in the Church-Wellesley Village recently, you’ve probably noticed a couple of new additions: the rainbow gateway markers, meant to let you know that you have entered the gay village, assuming the other rainbows and gay porn stores didn’t tip you off. To help you get acquainted with your new monuments, here’s a handy FAQ to fill you in!

Soooooo . . . what are these things?

They’re proud monuments that bookend the Church-Wellesley Village, heralding all those who enter into a blissful gay paradise!

In layman’s terms?

They’re poles!

What do they do?

Be poles!

Anything else?

Eventually, they’re also going to light up, because the Village’s biggest problem has always been a lack of lighting.

Well, I guess they are rather pretty. How much do they cost?

$87,500.

. . . I’m sorry, run that figure by me again.

$87,500.

Collectively?

Each!

ONE-HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS?

Yup!

FOR POLES?

Uh-huh!

Holy fuck . . . And this is going to help the Village get back on track, right?

Well . . . the biggest problem facing the Village is the fact that, due to its prime downtown location next to Toronto’s main street and one of its biggest tourist destinations, it has exorbitant rents that make it nigh impossible for small, gay-owned local businesses to remain in the market. The rise in corporately owned establishments, coupled with the shunning of any sort of celebration of actual gay culture that isn’t neutered and family-friendly, has left the Village with a lack of cultural identity. But that’s okay, because RAINBOW POLES! WHEE!

One more question: if the poles are supposed to demarcate the gay village, why do they exclude a number of local gay businesses, like Zipperz?

Yeah, that was pretty fucking stupid.

$175,000, and these clods gave us a pair of poles that aren’t even in the right spots? Fuck me.

No kidding.