Thanks but no thanks

Sometimes you’re offered help that you really, really don’t need…

If, like me, you get your parenting tips from talk radio assholes, KRXQ Sacramento’s ‘Rob, Arnie, & Dawn in the Morning’ did a whole show on transgendered children, labelling them “freaks” and worse (Huffington Post columnist Michael Rowe has all the gory details). Arnie States vowed to beat his own child “if my son put on a pair of high heels.” Back in 2004, the show was fined $55,000 for indecency — let’s hope they’ve been saving their pennies since.

Fortunately for these idiots, the Onion News Network knows slightly more than they do about sex changes (almost nothing!) — and how they affect the gay marriage debate:

For those still confused about all this “equal marriage” talk, the righteous Betty Bowers, “America’s Best Christian,” explains what exactly “traditional marriage” entails:

New York’s Splash bar taught a 55-year-old man that the label “boyz” does not apply to him. Apparently, older gay men are never, ever to be seen in anything less than Eddie Bauer, even if they’ve got one of those newfangled iPhones:

 

Maybe he’s also updating his Facebook page. Time magazine says it’s a handy way to come out and offers how-to tips like mentioning “female golfers, Harvey Milk, various Calvin Klein models.” I dunno, Time — was Facebook even around in 1983?

A former editor of the late, lamented fab magazine, Scott has been writing for Xtra since 2007 on a variety of topics in news pieces, interviews, blogs, reviews and humour pieces. He lives on the Danforth with his boyfriend of 12 years, a manic Jack Russell Terrier, a well-stocked mini-bar and a shelf of toy Daleks.

Keep Reading

Black and white illustration of several men in underwear splayed out along a staircase

Inside the scramble to save the Tom of Finland House

Allegations of mismanagement, coastal rivalries and an old Nazi scandal could bring down a vaunted cultural institution 
Marlon James in front of the Disappearers book cover

Marlon James’s disappearing act

The superstar author’s new novel, “The Disappearers,” has gained buzz beyond belief. He’s earned it
Samantha Josephs in front of the cover of 'Carrying'

Samantha Josephs gets dirty

The author of “Carrying” talks writing erotica, trans pregnancy—and her novel’s upcoming movie adaptation
A cartoon of two people standing close together; one is holding a puppy, the other is holding a book

How a Canadian kids’ book became the centre of a U.S. Supreme Court case

“Pride Puppy” was written to highlight the joy of Pride. It became a political flashpoint
Advertisement