Thanks but no thanks

Sometimes you’re offered help that you really, really don’t need…

If, like me, you get your parenting tips from talk radio assholes, KRXQ Sacramento’s ‘Rob, Arnie, & Dawn in the Morning’ did a whole show on transgendered children, labelling them “freaks” and worse (Huffington Post columnist Michael Rowe has all the gory details). Arnie States vowed to beat his own child “if my son put on a pair of high heels.” Back in 2004, the show was fined $55,000 for indecency — let’s hope they’ve been saving their pennies since.

Fortunately for these idiots, the Onion News Network knows slightly more than they do about sex changes (almost nothing!) — and how they affect the gay marriage debate:

For those still confused about all this “equal marriage” talk, the righteous Betty Bowers, “America’s Best Christian,” explains what exactly “traditional marriage” entails:

New York’s Splash bar taught a 55-year-old man that the label “boyz” does not apply to him. Apparently, older gay men are never, ever to be seen in anything less than Eddie Bauer, even if they’ve got one of those newfangled iPhones:

 

Maybe he’s also updating his Facebook page. Time magazine says it’s a handy way to come out and offers how-to tips like mentioning “female golfers, Harvey Milk, various Calvin Klein models.” I dunno, Time — was Facebook even around in 1983?

A former editor of the late, lamented fab magazine, Scott has been writing for Xtra since 2007 on a variety of topics in news pieces, interviews, blogs, reviews and humour pieces. He lives on the Danforth with his boyfriend of 12 years, a manic Jack Russell Terrier, a well-stocked mini-bar and a shelf of toy Daleks.

Keep Reading

A circle of Miis jumping in a grassy area, in front of two Miis chatting while sitting by a fountain

Queer players are finally ‘Living the Dream’ in the new ‘Tomodachi Life’ sequel

The latest instalment of Nintendo’s life-sim game breaks ground with new Mii gender, pronoun and attraction options
Juicy Love Dion crying in Athena Dion's lap

How ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Season 18 went off the rails

After a streak of strong flagship seasons, the MTV era saw its first real disappointment. What went wrong?
Juicy Love Dion with an up arrow behind her; Athena Dion with a down arrow behind her

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Season 18, Episode 15 power ranking: Battle of the queens

Ten eliminated competitors returned for the LaLaPaRuZa, but who won?
Discord Addams and Jane Don't

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Season 18, Episode 15 recap: All Ru, all the time

This season’s LaLaPaRuZa is all about Mother
Advertisement