Homofication: Is Alexandre Despatie gay?

Now on to hotter things…

I’ve been talking to a few friends
about this one since Despatie won his silver medal on the 3m
springboard. It’s an interesting gay male phenomenon, one that is
shared by one or two of my lesbian friends too and a whole airplane
load of straight girls (who often believe that this is “just a phase”
and or that “homosexuals, like unicorns and Stephen Harper, don’t
actually exist”).

Anyway, when confronted with an attractive
member of the same sex, I often find myself coming to the conclusion,
in true Sherlock Homo fashion, that he is gay. Based on what facts you
ask? Why sheer sex appeal of course. Clearly, if I am attracted to
them, they must be homosexual. Sure there’s some hope in there

somewhere, but hope isn’t sexy so who cares about that.

I believe this is a version of Gaydar, but not quite.

In
case you’ve been dead in a cave for the past 15 years and suddenly
found yourself ressurected in some sort of pink paradise, Gaydar is
what straight people use to “detect” queers, whereas when gay meets
gay, even for the first time, gaydar (like batteries) is not required.

Projecting
homosexuality on people who you want to have sex with…that’s not
gaydar. It’s one part fuck me eyes and one part wishful thinking.
Wishfuck Eyedar? Eyegay Wishfuck? No no. That’s just silly with far too
many syllables for the masses.

So I’m going to settle this by coining the following, with the assistance of my friend C:

Homofication

And here’s a dictionary entry that someone should send to the urban dictionary stat:

Homofication – slang, def: projecting homosexuality on people who you want to have sex with.

It’s
a bit like personification, except less to do with inanimate things,
and more to do with people whose sexuality you don’t know about.

Yet still, the question remains…is he or isn’t he?

Verdict: I would like abstain judgement at this time and instead encourage the jury to read up on Rex Homo vs Greg Louganis.

And all this aside, congratulations Alexandre. I’m a huge fan.

If
you don’t know who I’m talking about, feast yer eyes on our great
Quebecois hope, who has delivered at the Olympics, not once, but twice: