Cocktail confessions

Happy Pride, faggots! I hope you are all pleasantly drunk and sleeping with random strangers, who look damn better to wake up to than your own boyfriends. If you cheat please do it with style – don’t get caught. Happy findings, it’s a buffet of queers.

I am so offended, I feel like I am going to cry. Or at the very least wet myself. I mean where does Robin Black get off being so crude? I wanted to run home and hide. So many angry lesbians had their boxers in a bunch. At the quote unquote “rock and roll burlesque” at Buddies In Bad Times Theatre on May 27 put on by the Skin Tight Outta Sight burlesque troupe, Black was just being his usual rock star, stage persona and ended up offending a whole lot of people. So he swore a couple of times, and nominated some “bitch” as he called her to do stage clean-up after every performer had left the stage. Or maybe, just maybe, half the audience turned on him when he stated that she’d be sucking his dick after the show. Run Robin, run! People are way too sensitive; cry me a river.

A formal apology, written by CoCo La Creme, was released from the troupe via Friendster. It read like this: “I would like to apologize to everyone who was offended by the MC. I had no idea that he would present this sort of persona. He was originally suggested to me by Buddies staff. It was a joint decision between Skin Tight and Buddies to hire him. I have never worked with him before. I asked him several times to please stop telling ‘jokes’ and just announce the acts. I would like everyone to know that I was equally offended as everyone else by the nature of this performance.” I should give credit yet again to CoCo and the rest of the troupe for putting together a stellar lineup of performers, that filled Buddies on a Friday night. Hallelujah! I am thinking Keith Cole and Robin should work together. I am a huge fan of both artists. They would make a hot item: One pees in the other’s mouth while one is swearing his head off. How so very Black Eagle, the new chic.

Superstar Keoki, for those of you who do not know, is a former New York City club kid who, at one time, went out with NYC party monster-turned-murderer Michael Alig.

He is also an overly talented DJ with a cult following of fans due to his mix-mash style and substance. He’s bringing his larger-than-life set to this year’s World Electronic Music Festival, happening Fri, Jul 8 to 10 at the Orangeville Fair Grounds. Tickets run $50 to $175. His set will be on Jul 10, from 6:30pm to 8:30pm. Go see this superstar play at least once before Alig gets out in 2006. Also on the bill is the always loveable Dr Trance, the stellar Mix Master Mike from The Beastie Boys and many more. Three days of insanity, who could ask for more? Wemf.com for more information.

Will Munro is all around town this month and next. The legendary New York group ESG is at his annual Shame party on Fri, Jun 24. Tickets are $25 in advance. He has also confirmed that the queer hardcore group Limp Wrist will be performing at the Fri, Aug 26 Vazaleen. Both parties are at Lee’s Palace (529 Bloor St W). Munro is also spinning at the two Ari-Up And The True Warriors concerts on Fri, Jul 1 and 2 at Sneaky Dee’s (431 College St). Ari-Up is the former lead singer from the post-punk-dub legends The Slits. This should be a really great show. The lineup includes Random Order, Fox The Boom Box, Grasshopper Soundclash and Controller Controller. Tickets are $12.50 in advance and $15 at the door. Check out Sneaky-dees.com for more information. Will, thank you for making us collectively shit ourselves, with your stellar lineups and appealing to those of us who want something different. Could I get clean up in aisle one? Thanks.

The House Of Venus show is the newest addition to OUTtv beginning Jul 5 at 8pm. The weekly 30-minute variety show with a queerly forward outline will showcase local and international artists like Carole Pope, Lady Miss Kier, Stink Mitt, Lady Bunny, Miss Guy (of the Toilet Boys) and prosthetic hotness Amanda Lepore. The House Of Venus is a multimedia Vancouver-based artist collective with international acclaim. The House has always been known for their genderbent antics and nightclub extravaganzas, not to mention their fashions, visual and performance art and, of course, Mark Kenneth Woods’ notorious film and video work. Also look for appearances by creator Woods, Vancouver socialite Cotton, Michael Venus and Dickey Doo. Go to Venushouse.com for more info.

And, guys, if you are a cult reader of my column please take my advice. The band State Of Worth is worth checking out. The sound is poppy punk with catchy one-liners that hook you in. “You like to put me down because that’s all you got, ” sings the charismatic Jen Lai, the trio’s lead singer. She’s empowering. It doesn’t hurt that she also just happens to be damn hot. So if you’re looking for another heartbreaker besides the already lovable Kiyomi from Hunter Valentine, check out Lai and SOW on Wed, Jul 6 at the Velvet Underground (508 Queen St W). Free! The band also hosts a CD release party Thu, Jul 21 at Sneaky Dees; $10 gets you in and a CD.

All this action in the city is making me wet. I gotta go masturbate. Happy Pride? I think.