10 popular Halloween costumes of 2011 you should avoid

#1: Zombie Amy Winehouse

Honestly, this one is more or less just a regular Amy Winehouse costume, but you just have to say “brains” every few minutes. Still, if you’ve ever had the displeasure of showing up somewhere and seeing someone wearing the same costume, get ready to see what that’s like 100 times. Simultaneously.

#2: A toddler pageant queen

This one doesn’t really have anything to do with moral objections to Toddlers & Tiaras itself (although it is a God-awful show in every sense of the word), but let’s face it: if an adult dresses up as a child dressed up as a whore, then you’re really just going out dressed like a whore.

#3: The gimp from American Horror Story

First rule of horror: if your monster is someone I could conceivably have hot, sweaty, consensual, ball-slappy sex with, you have failed. (Although to give credit where credit is due: that show is super campy and awesome and actually a lot of fun to watch.)

#4: Zombie Steve Jobs

Too soon?

#5: Any character from Pan Am

Because everyone will assume you’re a character from Mad Men.

#6: Courtney Stodden

This one actually has the potential to be really funny, until you realize that unless you’re willing to walk around with a 51-year-old dick up your b-hole all night, everyone’s just going to assume you’re a really haggard-looking Pamela Anderson who did enough coke to knock out the feeling in your face.

#7: A fully-formed human centipede

Thanks to the sequel, you’re not going to require 99 other people to go through with this, so good luck getting into any club like that. As well, unless every single one of you douches really well, it’s going to smell like farts all night long.

#8: A bridesmaid

I know, I know, this movie was hilarious and emotional and poignant and you want to do it justice. But remember that scene with the food poisoning? Yeah. Once you throw that dress on, it’s staying on all night long. Say goodbye to flirty club sex, because that shit ain’t gonna fly.

#9: Pregnant Beyoncé

Actually, you know what? Go ahead. She pads her bump, too, so this will probably be the most realistic. Try to lay off on the dancing, though; something about pregnant ladies dancing worries me. Can fetuses get motion sickness?

#10: Rob Ford

Terrifying as he may be, I think if I see more than three versions of him in the space of a single night, I will die and haunt the fuck out of all of you.