Over the years, I have written many a word in praise of Business Woman’s Special. I think it is perhaps one of my five favourite parties. So you can imagine my happiness when I’m asked to attend their fifth anniversary party, at The Round. In my business, the business of event attending and social seeking, this only makes sense. In my business, I don’t wear a power suit, but I often look for power bottoms.

(Derrick, Dean & David Hawe)

I don’t do conference calls, but I use my iPhone to plan after-party booty-calls.

(Geoff, Gavin & John)

I also use it to record audio snippets of the night to give my article that sense of intimacy, urgency and horniness. Like tonight — there are not five, but six shirtless guys who have taken over the dancefloor dance podium. I snap some pics and ask their names. “This is Matt,” Sean yells into my phone. “He’s a big bottom.” Intimate, urgent, horny. Perfect. But, alas, I’m here to do a job.

(Olivier, Matt, Brandon, Sean, Chris & Alex)

Instead of punching in numbers or buying high and selling low, I chat up hot numbers to get the down-low. “This is my first time here,” fashion blogger and Toronto socialite Anita Clarke tells me. “April has been bugging me to come for years.”

(Mike, April & Diego Armand)

In front of a room so full you couldn’t fit a fruitcake, April Wozny finishes blowing out candles on a sugary white cake alongside fellow event organizer Michael Lawrence, DJs Sammy Royale, Nino Brown, Diego Armand and tonight’s eclectically diverse entertainers, Devine Darlin and Fay Slift. No one actually eats the cake. But back to Matt: a bottom, you say?

Over the years, I have written many a word in praise of Pitbull’s parties. I think it is perhaps one of my five favourite parties. So you can imagine my delight when I’m invited to attend the birth of its organizers’ new retail store, The Men’s Room.

(Francis & Steve)

In my business, the business of event attending and men meeting, it is very important to look good. In my business, I don’t carry a briefcase, but I’m often on the lookout for a cute pair of briefs. So it makes sense that I familiarize myself with as many stores that sell clothing and accessories as possible. Going to The Men’s Room is like walking through the crowd at a Pitbull party, stripping off every interesting piece of clothing that every hot guy is wearing, deciding to put it all in a comfy, hip room on top of Woody’s/Sailor and letting people buy it while they get cruised by some guy shopping next to them.

(Brian)

(Mike)

From hipsters to bears, there’s something for everyone. My favourite pieces are sexy, crotch-cupping Fétiche Armada pants and the stylishly sexy Glen Hanson tees. Hanson is an amazing Toronto artist who has made the brave leap and is now based in LA. Also hot for my attention are looks by designer Serino, who has changed up his line somewhat by getting rid of the pleather fabrics he used in his last collection (that I detested so much) and going with sexy, stretchy, ball-hanging sweat-pant jersey.

(Edmund in Serino)

“I’m so happy to have my collection here,” Serino says after the fashion-show afterparty, held at Woody’s. “These guys [Francis Gaudreault and Steve Palmer] have known me for years when I used to work at Fly. They are really solid guys.”