How do I remove shame from sex?

“We want to be in the zone of consent, which means that we are enjoying it somewhat, or that we are willing, but we don’t have to be having amazing sex all the time,” Kai Cheng Thom says. “We should expect that our shame will kick in, that our grief will kick in, that our boredom or our numbness will kick in, at some point. And the idea here is to be ready for that, to welcome it and to be like, ‘Okay, my shame or my numbness or my boredom or my pain or my grief, they’re telling me I need a break before I take another scoop of pleasure.’” It’s our latest in the video series “Ask Kai: Quickies,” offering advice on love, sex and relationships.