Putting the ‘ouch’ in douchebag

It’s pretty clear to everyone this morning that sharing a stage with Kanye West is a terrible idea (Mike Myers could’ve told you that) but while we all pile on him for his overwhelming douchebaggery at the MTV Video Awards last night, we run the risk of ignoring the upwards of 80,000 assholes who descended on Washington yesterday to protest America’s Marxist, Communist, racist, fascist, Nazi leader:

I’m sorry — are we all talking about bland, middle-of-the-road Barack Obama here? And for all their screaming over the President’s “socialist indoctrination” to schoolchildren last Tuesday, check out this kid — now starring in my nightmares:

“We want our country back!” they shriek, which is both hilarious — considering that they had it for eight years and it didn’t work out so well — and horrifying, since the “white culture” these douchebags are fighting to protect is currently fascism’s greatest practitioner: cutting off free debate in the churches, dictating what movies the public has access to and, in Atlanta this weekend, conducting another police raid on a gay bar. Here, “teabaggers,” is a protest rally that’s actually about freedom:

Now fortunately for us, our ideological opponents are very, very stupid — how else to explain US conservative leader Newt Gingrich giving a business achievement award to a porn studio? — but we rail about this stuff here because stupidity kills.

Just ask Alan Turning, the gay WWII hero and inventor of the computer who finally got an apology from the British government for chemically castrating him in 1952 and driving him to suicide. 55 years later, they apparently feel just awful about the whole thing!

But hey, at least when gay people are attacked now, the apologies come quicker. This weekend, a healthy portion of Thunder Bay, Ontario turned out to support Jake Raynard after his horrific beating a week ago:

A public protest by smart, humane people is a thing of beauty and it makes me proud of this country and its people. And if I sound too harsh on the Americans, nothing’s permanent — Beyoncé proved last night that damage from douchebaggery can always be undone: