There’s lesbian activity afoot.
And no, we’re not talking about collecting fossils by a desolate English seashore or building an Ikea shelf in your socks and Birkenstocks.
During a debate last week in Canadian parliament on a bill that would ban LGBTQ2S+ conversion therapy, Conservative MP Tamara Jansen pushed back against the legislation by using an example of a young woman who dealt with unwanted “lesbian activity.”
A clip of Jansen’s comments went viral Thursday after it was shared on Twitter by journalist Justin Ling.
“Charlotte, a young woman in Calgary who’s involved in lesbian activity struggled with self-worth and depression,” Jansen said. “She reached a point in her life where she did not want to continue with her lesbian activity.”
And while Jansen’s comments—including an earlier Bible quote about being “unclean”—were pretty homophobic, queer Twitter did what queer Twitter does best and latched onto the whole “lesbian activity” of it, sharing their favourite lesbian activities.
Because what’s more threatening to the youth of today than getting a “Shane from The L Word” haircut and keeping your house keys on a practical carabiner, or hooking up that U-Haul to move-in with your girlfriend after dating for three months?
Talking about lesbian activity online is a very lesbian activity in and of itself.
And while being invited to the cliffs of France to secretly paint a portrait of a rich lady’s daughter and falling in love with the daughter as you spend hours staring at each other is obviously lesbian activity, people were quick to point out the more banal aspects of existing and acting in this world as a woman loving woman—Subaru not required.
But how far does it go? If I, noted lesbian Mel Woods, go to the grocery store, is that lesbian activity? What about riding the bus? Does that only count if I’m wearing my “Soft Butch” T-shirt and listening to k.d. lang’s seminal album, Ingenue? Does my flannel shirt need to be real flannel to count, or can I get away with an Old Navy knock-off? And where does keeping your nails trimmed fit into all of this?
These are important questions, and thankfully people are asking them!
Other politicians even weighed in on the reported lesbian activity, including Alberta MLA—and self-described “ML-gay”—Janis Irwin.
Merch ideas were even proposed, because queer people are enterprising folks.
Maybe making jokes about lesbian activity was really the lesbian activity all along.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go partake in some lesbian activity—drink a crisp IPA and think about that time Rachel Weisz spit into Rachel McAdams’ mouth— and it’s going to be an absolute delight.