Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us, and while it may be an unpopular holiday, I love it. I love any opportunity to be as sappy and schmoopy as I like for the day, and I love planning joyful nonsense for my loved ones. But most of all, I love an opportunity to take a heteronormative Hallmark holiday and queer the heck out of it by celebrating all kinds of love.
Perhaps you are skeptical or suspicious of Valentine’s Day, and that is fine and very valid—as advertised, it privileges romantic coupledom over anything else (feh). That’s a bitter pill for people who may be poly, single, asexual or aromantic, not currently able to be with their loved ones because of COVID-19, or smarting from a recent breakup. Or perhaps you are prioritizing friendships, collective action or mutual aid over romance in your life. Or maybe you’re struggling to stay housed and fed without the added pressure of producing some pretties for an arbitrary holiday.
I am of the opinion that it’s our right as queer and trans people to modify, beautify, vilify or gay-ify anything that mainstream culture is promoting, and I’d like to invite you to join me. Here’s an array of gift ideas—many from LGBTQ2S+- and BIPOC-owned businesses—to show love and appreciation for anyone you may wish to acknowledge, from totally free to (what feels to me like) a total blowout, once-in-a-decade, splurge.
First things first: Consider the card
Whether for a friend, family member, sweetheart or even a stranger, the best Valentines are the ones that come with personal (and perhaps political) words of love, handwritten by you. With a stack of index cards or a few sheets of construction paper, make the kind of Valentine you know they’ll vibe with: A pun (tape a match or a hot sauce packet to a card and write “I’m on fire for you”), write a list of why you like them, concoct a third-grade fantasy of stickers and doilies, produce a handwritten poem or curate a collection of pictures of your cat with speech bubbles about how great this person is. The stationery store and your imagination are the only limit.
You can also make a treasure with a blue ballpoint you nicked from the bank and a sheet of printer paper, just by sharing your heartfelt feelings. Are you crafty? Grab a pack of dry erase chalk markers for $15 (most prices in Canadian money, unless otherwise noted) and write it all over their windows, or go full scrapbook with the cutest odds and ends from Original Kawaii Pen.
For your polycule
With multiple lovers, a real joy can be giving everyone the gift of a shared experience to enjoy together—even if you’re physically separated sometimes. Try signing up your sweethearts (and metamours, if you like) for a subscription to some Black queer excellence with Roxane Gay’s new book club and lit mag The Audacity or R. Eric Thomas’ hilarious column “Here For It” (both $6 USD per month with annual options as well), so you can enjoy talking all about it. Add a heart-shaped mini waffle maker from Dash ($18) and there’s a delicious (food and conversation) brunch for you.
For your best chef or your most… aspiring one
Try some kitchen upgrades! Queer-owned Bespoke Post has a pair of nice knives from Material for $55, and with their subscription box you can keep the kitchen and bar items coming for months. Or add some spice, literally, with queer-owned Okazu chili miso ($13 and delicious on everything). If those are out of your price range, consider breaking open the vault and sharing some family recipes. Your Nana’s calzones are definitely a gift of love.
For your drag family
Even subtracting the butt shots, you know your phone is full of photos of you and your grrls/bois/sibs/mamas in grand finery. What about a ViewMaster reel (like you used to get at stunning natural attractions) of your own stunners? This is one of my favourite new things: a RetroViewer with a custom reel ($29.95 plus shipping), with the old-school lever for advancing the frame. Or upload your faves to Mixtiles ($15 including shipping) or Simply Framed ($80 and up) and get a gorgeous framed photo (or one for everyone) back in the mail.
For your most fabulous femmes (or persons of any gender who might enjoy some femme ornamentation)
Black-owned Verabel makes an assortment of custom lockets (starting at $75) by ornamenting vintage ones with stylish, colourful resins and enamels. These embellished face masks from Lirika Matoshi ($45) say a lot right now when makeup can’t, and of course—if they don’t have one already—nothing says femme like a nice knife: This charming, slim-handled stiletto from Curel ($28 for the pocket size) might be just the ticket.
For your hot trick or fuckbuddy
For free-99 and a little time you can use the voice memo function on your phone to spin them a hot fantasy: Describe what you cannot wait to do in dripping, explicit detail, even if you know it’ll be a little while until you can.
You can also splash out to smash on a high-end Hugo from LELO ($225), their newer remote controlled butt plug with prostate action (extremely pleasing to buggery enthusiasts of all prostate statuses—or try it as a g-spotter)!
Want to keep things fresh on an ongoing basis? Try an Xplore Box ($50 per month) and commit to trying everything in the box, even if it provokes giggles. Or get tickets for Bawdy Storytelling ($12 and up) online and be inspired by other people’s sexy (and funny) times.
For the kiddos in your life, whether your own or the ones to whom you’re a Fabulous Auntie
Go big (size-wise) with an AirFort ($50) for some pandemic chill space even in a busy house—this thing sets up with a box fan in two minutes and provides a much-needed solo moment. Or make bath time a blast with a GloPal ($15): Dim the lights and then pop the kid and the fun light-up characters in together for a splashy rave bath (and you’re supporting a children’s hospital with every purchase). If they’re bored of all their current board games, Not Parent Approved ($18) is a kid-style creative card game with lots of burp and fart jokes (I maintain a disapproving demeanour during the Burp Boss round so as not to let on to my children that it’s fun for me, too).
For your queer-and-restless besties
Though travel is curtailed, you can still make plans! Future-trip on a fun vacation together on Google Maps, starring the attractions and restaurants you think will please your friend(s) or lover(s), and share your map with them to enhance it further. Kick it up by adding one of the new bright and fun Migrate duffel/backpack combos from Eagle Creek ($79) and tuck in a travel guide to somewhere you hope to visit soon. If you have more to spend, order an Oculus Quest 2 VR headset ($299) and let them use Supernatural for a home workout with views and vistas of wildly beautiful places around the world (protip: Coach Dwana Olsen is the best coach, but the app posts new workouts with new scenery and music daily) or try a totally out-of-this-world experience with the Multiverse planetarium app.
Lay your lover in luxury
If your sex partner is also your domestic partner, satisfy both aspects with some really nice sheets, a delicious blanket or even a new mattress. Brooklinen linen sheets (starting at $250 for a set) are a cool, soft treat to slip between. If you’re ready for better back support while you make the beast with two backs, try a hybrid (coil and foam) mattress from Indigenous-owned Hamuq mattress ($999). For a low-cost but high-charm option, try making the bed with fresh clean sheets, fluff the pillows, and set out a fresh tub of deluxe lube from Black-owned The Butters ($2 for a generous sample).
For the writers and artists you love
Spend nothing but your time to get on Goodreads or Amazon and write a rave of their book, use Twitter or Instagram to wax on with wonder about their artwork or make them a little website. If you love the work but the artist is a stranger to you, take a page from Syrus Marcus Ware’s Activist Love Letters project and send a thank you note, letting them know how much their work means to you. If you want to give art, you could pre-order Queer Love In Color by Jamal Jordan ($28), which just opened for presale or (and this is a page right out of my Valentine fantasy) a signed, limited print from Mikael Owunna’s Infinite Essence series (starting at $7,500 and worth every nickel if you have that many nickels).
Some new fancies for an undercarriage you enjoy
Queer-owned Rebirth garments makes custom lingerie, focused on queer and trans disabled folks who may have trouble finding sexy things that fit them well. d.bleu.dazzled will bling their… thing (whichever thing) with tiny, hand-set crystals ranging from barely-there thongs to Black Lives Matter-bedazzled loungewear. For a more durable option, see River Queer Leatherwork for hot, trans-made, clever items in a variety of price points. Need something a little more G-rated? Fun Pride or Canadiana socks from Main & Local or a pair of all-gender unders from queer-owned faves TomboyX ($35, in a generous size range) have you covered.
Freshen the classics
Valentine’s flowers, but make it fair-trade and with a company that’s led by Black creatives? Visit The Bouqs for direct-from-farmer flowers (starting at $35)—and if you want to keep them coming there’s a subscription available. Red wine? Okay, but what about some crisp and delicious artisanal gin from Black Fox Distillers, or a smooth rum from super eco-friendly locavores Ironworks Distillery made into a Valentine’s cocktail (then make it again whenever you’re feeling sweet). And consider skipping the Whitman’s Sampler heart (unless that’s your thing) and go with some classics from Mitchell’s Chocolates (starting at $14 for a small box) or some super-luxe chocolate from SOMA Chocolate ($3 and up).
For yourself
Upgrade one space or activity to maximum cute for your own benefit, and to your own taste. A fresh picnic basket with Govino shatterproof wine glasses ($19) and melamine dinnerware ($10 per plate), suitable for watching any appealing wildlife in comfort and style, maybe? Or a supply of delicious coffee from Laughing Whale Roasters ($15) and a really excellent mug from East Fork ($38)? How about a stylish glasses stand from Craighill ($48) for your nightstand and a vintage tray to collect your odds and ends? The idea is: Pick one moment in your day (or life) and give it a nice upgrade, so you feel glad when you come to them. As you deserve, babes.
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