There was the guy that…

There was the guy that was obsessed with Princess Diana and the Royal Family. I laid back and thought of England that time.

There was the guy that showed up in his chef whites, having just catered a wedding for several hundred people. His charming personality made up for the fact that he smelled of salmon paste.

There was the guy with a cock so big that he used a female condom. Naturally, I gave him a free session. He gave me a copy of the Shortbus soundtrack in return. He was boyfriend material, but I wasn’t his Pretty Woman.

There was the waiter who had fully furnished his house with stolen restaurant furniture and décor. He was looking to sharpen his sexual proficiency, as he’d not dated anyone for a few years.

There was the guy that worked in a remote branch of the post office. His ejaculate was bright red, mixed with a lot of blood. It was a symptom of some prostate problem, he said. I was relieved that he was wearing a condom; otherwise, there would have been blood all over my face.

There was the young guy from India that had resigned himself to an arranged marriage with a woman, some day. He wanted to be gay a lot before his parents set it up.

There was the guy that owned a sex shop, who always had a broad selection of sample lubes in his dresser drawer. He gave me his store catalogue and offered me the wholesale prices.

There was the guy that I thought was masturbating when I talked to him on the phone, but when he showed up, I found out that he had Parkinson’s disease. He shook the entire time, and when we were done I tied his shoelaces for him.

There was the guy that worked at Starbucks, with whom I had an overnight session. He brought me a French press because he didn’t want coffee in the morning from my flat bottom cheapo brewer. I am grateful, because I have used that French press every day since.

There was the accountant that offered to do my taxes for me, pro bono.

There was the lawyer that I saw at the Opus hotel that called me an hour after I left because I’d left my lube and cock ring behind. The package was sitting at the front desk, wrapped discreetly in a Gucci bag.

These are a few of my clients, and they are the reason that I got into the business. For privacy’s sake, I’ve left out and changed many details, but these people are some of the most interesting I’ve ever met. It’s amazing what you can learn in an hour.