How to host a lesbian sex party

It can be tricky to manage, but when it’s good, it’s so good

Lesbian sex parties have been around as long as there have been lesbians — which is forever. But honestly, how many have actually been to one? Maybe two, or three? Had a threesome? However do these parties happen?

I have never thrown a lesbian sex party. I’ve thrown countless SM play parties over the years, both at home and at a dungeon. I’ve organized parties for women and trans people, fags and dykes. But they’ve always been with SM players, where sex is the dessert, not the main course.

A lesbian sex party is something else entirely. But if you take the SM play out of the equation, you also remove what could be considered a real great ice breaker to a group scene — and then lesbian sex. Sometimes it’s someone’s birthday (or not). Many participate in giving a spanking, which turns into a little bit more . . . et voila! You’ve got some lesbian sex on your hands.

Some of us have been to lesbian sex parties without realizing it. In Toronto we enjoyed Pussy Palace parties at the old Club Toronto, (now Oasis). Those most definitely were lesbian sex parties. And they had all sorts of ice breakers like massages, lap dances and more that one could sign up to receive or volunteer to give. (What fun volunteerism!)

What if you want to organize a party in your home? The absolute first thing you need is the guest list. No matter how great the space, the food, the drinks or the mood lighting, there is no party without people. The right combination of people will make a party anywhere. So don’t be discouraged by all the other details. Start with the guest list.

You do want to have sex in front of people, right? You can be partnered and monogamous and still have fun at a sex party — but not everyone can be a wallflower. You need people who are experienced at some sort of public sex to help get things going. A nice list of people who have attended other such gatherings will help. People who are newly dating are great candidates — you know those people making out everywhere because they can’t stop themselves? They’re great for a sex party! Know any triads? People who are poly? Sluts? Got enough of those in your social circle? You need to find people who are interested in a sex party, and then have them invite their friends and playmates. That’s a surefire way to get a scene going.

Women can be shy. We don’t do the things that men do, like have quality, anonymous sex through a hole. It just doesn’t happen. (Of course there’s an exception to the rule — but I won’t name her!) Setting people up to do erotic massages can help. The single women at your party who are a a bit reluctant can sign up for a massage and enjoy it. Maybe a full massage, or just a foot massage. Either way, these are ice breakers that initiate touching. Anyone can give or receive. So that’s easy.


Or you can have a group game to start — something interactive like sexual charades.

You’ll want to have sex supplies like gloves, lube and chucks available in every room, so when the mood strikes, everyone’s covered — including the couch, floor or closet. Sometimes women are shy and find a corner where they can make out without a huge audience. Others are true exhibitionists and want everyone to watch. Regardless of where they are, expect some women to squirt. That’s what the chucks are for.

Etiquette is everything, especially when group play is involved. If there’s a scene going on and you want to jump in, always make sure it’s okay first. Never join uninvited.

Gay men may laugh about it, but women always have a food table prepared. That’s the social area where people can mingle while snacking. We may have alcohol at private parties, but it’s not the focus of the evening. Gay men never go anywhere that isn’t loaded with drinks, and they never have bean dip or corn. So consider the lesbian potluck as part of your plans. Be clear. Ask people to bring things from all the four food groups: chocolate, protein, fruit, veggies, baked goods and gluten-free treats.

And get music. Music decorates the air, so decorate whatever space you use.

If you’re iffy on throwing a sex party in your own space, there are places you can rent for such an occasion. Studio Ten is a great option. You and your friends can go in together on it, available by the night. I suppose a hotel suite might do too — but I’d look into Studio Ten first. It holds up to 80 people!

Oasis is an excellent place to gather as well — if you don’t mind men around. Go alone or with a small group. The pool especially can be a great place to begin. From there, head up to a private room, or take over another area. It’s a great place to bring someone you just met or bring your party of friends.

Now, about that guest list . . .

Nancy Irwin (she/her) is a rebel femme who occasionally fights for justice. A biker, world traveller, handy-dyke, play party organizer and switch who plays well with all genders. She makes a living in green spaces.

Read More About:
Love & Sex, Opinion, Toronto, Sex

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