The world is cold and beautiful. As the heavens bequeath tiny, ornate crystals and those precious flakes drift peacefully earthward, you think, What the fuck? Why do I live here? And what gifts will I buy all these people?
Well, you’re in luck: we’ve put together some ideas. In this issue you’ll find items that require some advance planning (next issue will feature last-minute ideas). Alleviate the despair of the season by giving a dildo to your slutty friend, wine to a feisty aunt or a candle to someone who likes candles.
Dorothy and Toto cookie jar
Dorothy and her faithful pup keep your cookies safe from the Wicked Witch of the West.
$60 1100 Invicta Dr, Unit 1, Oakville
retrofestive.ca
3 for 1 glasses
You’ll always be able to see if you have back-up pairs.
And your look will never get stale if you own different styles.
Deal includes prescription sunglasses.
Starting at $350
Fabulous Frames, 185 Queen St E
fabulousframes.ca
Rentboy.com Players 2015 Calendar
$8 amazon.com
2015 Orthodox Calendar
€18.95, €34.95 uncensored
orthodox-calendar.com
Madonna’s 2015 Calendar
US$15
madonna.com
Noël Coward’s Blithe Spirit
Angela Lansbury comes to Toronto to play the implausible medium Madame Arcati in Michael Blakemore’s revival of this Coward classic. Runs Wed, Feb 11–Sun, March 15 at Princess of Wales Theatre, 300 King St W.
$29–130 Tickets go on sale Dec 1
mirvish.com
Custom bow ties
Toronto designer Elija Montgomery helps you design the bow tie you’ve always wanted. A range of styles and materials (cotton, satin, wool, silk, leather, et cetera) are possible.
$45–90 callmecornelius.com
A-Wreath-a duvet cover
Designed by Sissydude, this Aretha Franklin–themed ultra-soft duvet cover commands r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
$99 society6.com/sissydude
The Collected Hungry Bottom Comics
All three issues of Eric Williams’s comic-book memoir are now available in one 76-page edition. Rife with dancin’, romancin’ and depictions of Toronto’s west-end drag scene.
$12 ericdraws.4ormat.com
Sommelier Selection
Arrange to have fine wine delivered to your loved ones from Le Sommelier. Available in packages of two, three or four bottles; minimum 12 bottles per order.
Starting at $170
Order by Fri, Dec 12
goodfoodrevolution.com/holiday-wine-gifts
3D printed dildo
The future is here and it’s making you the perfect sex toy. Send three photos of your cock to France, along with the size you’d like your toy to be, and French Coqs will mail back a dildo made with a 3D printer.
Starting at €29 frenchcoqs.com
TG1 chest harness
This leather chest harness is for kinky transgender men who haven’t had top surgery. The leather chest strap can flatten up to a C cup. Each harness is tailored for the individual.
$149 aslanleather.com
Scissoring (9 x 12 print)
Toronto artist Yigi Chang has this and many other unique and shamelessly sexy prints available.
$20 etsy.com/shop/yigichang
Custom puppy hoods
Help your little puppy be at his or her most puppyish this holiday season with a custom-made hood. Available in a variety of materials, colours and designs.
Starting at $186 Northbound Leather, 586 Yonge St
northbound.com
Custom face serum
After you fill out an online questionnaire, Province Apothecary’s Julie Clark will mix up your personal blend. Made from organic ingredients, the serum moisturizes and reduces the appearance of fine lines.
$60 provinceapothecary.com
Gaia wooden dildo
Lovingly handcrafted in Ottawa by Rickard Andersson of Silvarus, these maple dildos are beautiful as well as pleasurable.
$130 Good for Her, 175 Harbord St
goodforher.com
Doing It Again Volume 1: Playful Awakenings
Porn producer and star Tobi Hill-Meyer’s DVD collection focuses on scenes with transgender women having sex with transgender partners.
$30. handbasketproductions.com
The Drake Devonshire
The newly opened Prince Edward County location of the Drake Hotel, called the Drake Devonshire, has beautiful rooms and many diversions, such as ice fishing and cross-country skiing.
Starting at $159/night (offer begins Jan 1)
drakedevonshire.ca
Check out Part 2 of our gift guide for even more ideas!
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