Xposed Toronto

The third annual Cub Camp Long Johns Valentine’s party at The Beaver got off to a great start, as always. Some of the photos aren’t even printable (and we print a lot), so that’s saying . . . well, everything. I said it all right there. In addition to the scandalous dick-pics, there were also fresh-faced beauties like Devin and Adam. Look at those pearly whites, people; it’s hard not to smile back when you look at this pic.

CBB (left) really looks like this high-maintenance Mexican gangster with tattoos and gold teeth I dated while he was in between jail stints a few summers ago. Except he’s a lot more polished (I know you’re not supposed to say that about bear cubs, but I say it with love here). I love his latch-key-kid look. Works with Scooter’s headphones and long john’s combo. I can smell the pheromones on that dancefloor from here.

It’s a bit of a random one-shot, but it’s Cassandra and Jeremy. Have they ever taken a bad one? What is girl wearing on her right arm? Every handcuff in the precinct? I love it. Jeremy’s see-thru deal ain’t bad, either. It’s all very future-late-90s, and the composition is perf.

Valentine’s Day is for suckers; that includes anyone who watches The Bachelor, goes to the Keg Mansion on a date and sends roses with baby’s breath to anyone, ever. Thank the good lord there are alternative events for the rest of us to fuck Valentine’s away. Skin Tight Outta Sight put on a great event at The Gladstone, called Be Mein Valentine (cheeky bitches). I love the skin trade in all its forms, like Lisbon Maginot and Sauci Calla Horra here.

Laura Desiree was the guest performer at Skin Tight Outta Sight’s Valentine’s edition. Look how lovely she is here with Ginger Darling. I’ve put her in recently, but on a dancefloor instead of in, er . . . costume. She’s just so easy to photograph. It’s hard not to keep including gold like this.

Did I mention this Be Mein Valentine Gladstone party was a collaboration between Skin Tight Outta Sight and Boylesque? As hot as the ladies were, the boys brought it haaaarrrd. Dew Lily really makes a case for responsible drinking, gingerly handling the stem of that champagne glass. Tell me you don’t want to be the lip of that glass right now?

Mahogany Storm is a member of Boylesque, and with that itsy-bitsy thong he successfully brought the sexy back to a flaccid and yawn-worthy holiday all by himself. It’s all happening in this photo: eyelashes reading from across the room, flexibility and fitness on high, sensible four-inch pumps with sexy-yet-warm (’tis the season) leather leggings and sleeves. If you didn’t make it out this year, you better mark that calendar for the next. This photo is so good, I’m tempted to cut it out and send it as my Christmas card to all my clients next year. It definitely inspires me to give.

Igby Lizzard took so many good photos this night (and I know she’s in a lot and I should probably cool it a bit sometime soon), but this glamorously sloppy one-nipple wonder really captured my heart. I feel the same way looking at this photo that girls who curl their boring brown mid-length hair feel when they see puppies. Awwwwwwww, Igby, adorable. She made the rounds that night, too: sighted at both Cub Camp and the Rhubarb Valentine’s afterparty at Buddies in Bad Times. Work.

From left, Judy Virago, DJ Phil V and Regina the Gentlelady at the Big Thaw (the official name for the Rhubarb fest afterparty at Buddies). I’m loving the red theme on Judy and Regina, but it’s Phil’s power-bottom stink-face that sells the photo. He’s my editor here at this rag, too, so it’s sorta a family portrait as well. Way to take back a shit holiday, ladies and gent!

Xposed appears on Daily Xtra every two weeks and in Xtra once a month.