Patience and optimism break through the deep melancholy of Kylie V’s debut album, Big Blue, released in late February. “There’s a look in your eyes / Said just take your time / If you want it, you’ll find it,” the 17-year-old indie-folk artist sings on the gloomy title track. Guitars circle like water in a partly clogged sink before surging forth in the song’s climactic finale.
“I don’t think I’m that patient,” Kylie tells Xtra over Zoom. They’re speaking from their home in Surrey, British Columbia, south of Vancouver. “If I know something good is coming, I’ll power through,” they say. “If I didn’t convince myself that something good is always eventually going to happen in my life, I probably would not be doing so well.”
Though Kylie’s patience is conditional, it was enough to push them through the making of Big Blue. In December 2018, they made their official debut with Lotus Eater, a lo-fi EP of sad pop songs recorded entirely on their iPhone. The collection was well-received among local fans, but when it came to its followup, Kylie says they had no idea what they were doing; they let their excitement get ahead of themselves. After scrapping many versions of the album-to-be, Kylie regrouped and refocused. In late 2019 and early 2020, they began writing the songs that made the final cut.
The 11 starry-eyed tracks that ended up on Big Blue are fraught with longing. Kylie yearns for safety and security on the sleepy “Cathedral.” “Build me up inside your head as I melt away / Make me feel like everything’s okay,” they plead. Much of the album acknowledges the support they’ve received over the last two years. “Thank you for teaching me that I don’t have to be a try-hard / Thank you for taking me in, for driving me over the bridge,” goes the lulling “The Passage of Time.”
For an idea of the support they’ve received, look no further than Big Blue’s ensemble cast of local talents. Kylie has a special appreciation for avant-pop composer Tegan Wahlgren, who performs violin on a handful of songs. It was a dream of Kylie’s to work with Wahlgren, who is also non-binary. “They’re a huge icon for me in the scene. They’re ridiculously talented, super nice and just happen to be also a great source of representation.”
Big Blue was produced by Harley Small, whose credits include Being So Normal, the 2017 debut album by Vancouver darlings and international breakout group Peach Pit. The band’s moustached maestro Christopher Vanderkooy plays slide guitar on “Cathedral.” Twins Benito and Cristian Hobson-Dimas of shoegaze-y rockers Sleepy Gonzales form the album’s backbone on drums and bass, respectively.
Kylie’s strong network stands in stark contrast to their early teens. They spent those years feeling isolated, anxious and “depressed about everything.” Around that time, they also began figuring out their gender identity, and at 15, they came out as non-binary.
“I definitely have taken a really long time to realize what labels fit,” Kylie reflects. “I’m still going back and forth. When you’re really young and just discovering all these terms, it’s really easy to get misinformed. It’s kind of ridiculous how much conflicting info there is. There’s a lot of pressure as a young queer person to get yourself figured out as soon as possible.”
Kylie rejects this pressure, as well as the notion that identity is tied to appearance. They present as feminine, but they feel expected to look androgynous. Over the last year, though, they’ve grown more comfortable with being feminine. They attribute this change to having fewer in-person interactions due to the pandemic.
Kylie almost never saw themselves reflected in the music media when they were younger. But they admit they never sought representation, because they never expected it. “I think there’s a huge missing piece in the music industry, and that is non-binary people.”
But the trend is shifting. Kylie has noticed increasing coverage of non-binary artists such as Mal Blum and Claud. “Claud’s album Super Monster came out [in February], and I’ve been seeing a ton of press about them, which is really encouraging, because I find it really hard to get music journalists to use my pronouns. It makes me think there’s actually a chance to not get misgendered by press constantly.”
Kylie’s path to music has been much more nurturing. Coming from a musical family, they were encouraged to be creative from a young age. Their mother is a singer, and her father is a drum-maker; Kylie’s father plays drums, and his father was a trumpeter.
When Kylie was 13, they got their first guitar. They began learning the instrument after hearing the sky-splitting solo on “Private Presley” by Peach Pit. Kylie discovered the group through Bandcamp, and from there, they learned about Kingfisher Bluez, the Vancouver label behind Being So Normal. Kingfisher Bluez served as a further gateway into the world of local music.
Soon, Kylie began embedding themselves in the scene. By 14, they had played their first show, at the Avant-Garden. With shared interests and passions—and a generous number of all-ages events—they found Vancouver’s music community instantly welcoming.
Kylie’s sense of belonging also stemmed from feeling safe: They credit the work of event promoters like the queer women-led Cushy Entertainment, who prioritizes the safety and inclusion of marginalized artists, and Good Night Out Vancouver, a non-profit that facilitates training against gendered violence for organizations of all kinds.
Though Kylie is grateful for so much support, they still need to disengage sometimes. “I’m autistic. I have a whole whack of depression and anxiety. I have a lot going on emotionally all the time. I’m constantly overwhelmed by my own brain.” They’re especially sensitive now that they’re navigating major life changes, including graduating high school. “I’m going to be an adult in less than a year, and I’m not ready for that, as much as I like to think I am.”
“I’m going to be an adult in less than a year, and I’m not ready for that, as much as I like to think I am.”
The theme of escape runs throughout Big Blue. The album’s title comes from a joke Kylie used to make whenever life became particularly rough: “I’d be like, ‘Man, I just want to walk directly into the ocean.’ Not drown, just be under the water, take a little break from it all.”
Over glistening piano on “One Fluid Motion,” Kylie sings, “I wanna get drunk/ I wanna go to the movies/ Wanna take the train/ Escape from everything/ Visit the ocean/ Show you devotion.” And while unspooling a wistful finger-picked melody on “A Story If You Want It,” they sing, “Take me to the place/ Where the planes fly low/ We can sit beneath the full moon and/ Listen to the crows.”
Like many people, though, the pandemic has maxed out Kylie’s need for alone time. A week before releasing their album, they played an online set presented by Blue Light Studio over Facebook Live and YouTube Live. “It’s simultaneously a lot more and less intimate,” they say of their streaming experience. “You’re playing to a silent room, but it’s also very personal. Every time I looked at the camera, I was very, very aware of the fact that there were people sitting, watching me on their phones, and that’s weird. It was my first full band show in almost a year, so I didn’t really care how many people were in the room.”
Streaming is by no means ideal for Kylie; it’s just another cloud blocking the silver lining. Even with no timeline for the return of live shows, Kylie plans to keep releasing new music. And now that they’ve found a place in Vancouver’s music community, they can create with greater confidence. “That changed my perspective from ‘I don’t have anything to do’ to figuring out this is what I’m meant to do.”
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