Kate Hudson in ‘Bitches Fall Down, Go Boom’

Remember when romantic comedies were actually good? Me neither. Probably because Julia Roberts killed the genre back in 1990 when she convinced everyone that having an annoying laugh and a giant, bottomless mouth were legitimate substitutes for relatable characters. (No, seriously. Watch any Julia Roberts movie and take a shot every time she throws her Pez-dispenser-like head back and goes “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” You will die of alcohol poisoning.) But thanks to the internet, we’ve successfully distilled every crappy rom-com from the past 20 years down to one essential plot device: well-written, believable protagonists who connect on an emotional level with the audience MAKE THE WOMAN FALL DOWN HERPDY DERP. Remember, ladies: no man wants to marry a beautiful, smart, sane woman! Clearly, they want to bang crazy, dumb trolls or something. Thanks, Hollywood!

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