Presumably after someone in Hollywood took the cocaine straw out of his nose long enough to realize that oh shit, while the idea of Brett Ratner and Eddie Murphy putting the Oscars together seemed really funny at two in the morning, it kinda lost some traction in the light of day. So now that they’re both out (thank God), let’s take a look at a couple ‘mos who should be hosting the bitch.
Neil Patrick Harris
Obvious choice, yes, but it’s for a reason: fucker knows how to sell a show. He’s like Kim Possible: he can do anything. Need a musical number? He’s already written and choreographed the whole thing. Need 20 costume changes? He’s already designed and sewn them all. Peter O’Toole bumrushes the stage to try to mop an Oscar? That bitch isn’t afraid to whip out the taser.
Rick Mercer
Who says a Canadian can’t host the Oscars? He’s like Jon Stewart (who, naysayers be damned, killed it both times he hosted) except more Canadian and ranty, which I adore in my hosts.
Elvira Kurt
Shameless plug for The Gayest Show Ever? Maybe just a little bit, but having been a huge fan (okay, the ONLY fan) of PopCultured, I’ve been a long-time admirer, and quite frankly, we need a more biting lesbian than Ellen hosting the Oscars.
RuPaul and Chi Chi LaRue
Arguably the two most famous drag queens in the world, no one works a crowd like queens. And considering it’s been a while since we’ve had Oscar cohosts who didn’t just sort of shamble around stage stiffly, I kinda look forward to seeing these two make the nominees lip-sync for their lives.
Bruce LaBruce
So help me Jesus, I need to see Anne Hathaway rubbing shoulders with zombie François Sagat just ONCE before I die, which could be any day now because I’m a hypochondriac.
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