A fabulous Christmas tree deserves fabulous ornaments, and there are few ornaments out there that will inspire the kind of awe that a Christmas tree deserves more effectively than a beefy, half-naked man.
December Diamonds has come out with a line of muscular mermen tree ornaments that are dressed in more getups than that tramp Barbie.
There’s Santa’s helper, the construction worker, the doctor and the cowboy, to name a few.
There’s even a merman whose sole occupation is drinking mojitos.
I’m not saying that these ornaments capture the spirit of Christmas or that they even make sense. But I’m sure they will add more panache to your tree than those fucking Precious Moments ornaments.