14 minutes of Gaga. Why? Just . . . just why?

You know how sometimes you’ll see a fat person wearing something that’s, like, five sizes too small for them and then someone comments about how it’s like trying to fit 10 pounds of sugar into a five-pound bag? Because it doesn’t matter how sweet it is if it’s spilling out. I mean hell, do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!

Anyway, it turns out this saying works both ways. Don’t believe me? Trying watching this 14-minute Lady Gaga video for “Marry the Night.” It’s five pounds of sugar in a 10-pound bag. And I’m guessing someone decided to fill the remaining space with apathy and pretension.

Here’s the thing: I know Lady Gaga tries to paint herself as an artist, to the point where she spends the first 10 minutes beating us over the head with it (no, really — if this video were any less thinly veiled, it would just be 15 straight minutes of Lady Gaga screaming “I AM AN ARTIST” as she beat a dead horse into glue). But art is predominantly about people connecting with the artist. And unfortunately, you can’t do that when you sequester yourself in your own little world of naked Cheerios and fashionable nurses. She’s a first-rate art installation, but Lady Gaga just flat-out sucks at being a real human being.

Keep Reading

Collage with two hands holding a bat, swinging towards a baseball with a dollar sign on it, against a blue background with a net, baseball player and the Olivia logo on an outfield sign

Why the WPBL partnering with a lesbian travel company matters

Support from lesbian brands and bars harks back to the queer history of women’s sport leagues
Confluence cover

‘Confluence’ brings Vancouver’s queer history to life

The late Alex Turner and his husband, Lucian Childs, have written a unique and rewarding ode to mid-century gay British Columbia

Gaudy goddess: Self-described backwoods Barbie, Dolly Parton, chats about boobs, Broadway and battling hate

Revisiting Matt Thomas’s interview with the legend, originally published in fab Magazine in 2009

Dolly Parton was all of our chosen family

The superstar, who passed away at age 80, was always there for her queer fans. We collectively mourn her loss
Advertisement