Awwwkward!

It’s Day Three of ‘Torchwood: Childr—oh wait, that was last week. No, it’s Day Three of something far more important: the Friends for Life Bike Rally that winds from Toronto to Montreal over six days in support of the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation (never too late to pledge me, hint hint!)

I’m in lovely Kingston, Ontario at the moment, typing away at the aptly-named Queen’s University. A couple hundred homosexuals have descended upon the place and already exhausted the city’s laundry, liquor and pedicure facilities. Oh you think I’m joking.

There’s been a great vibe around the campsites this year: after a rainy start on Sunday (SO WET!), the weather since has been perfect, really highlighting the lovely eastern Ontario countryside. Too bad about the campsites themselves though: the bugs have been abundant and often unidentifiable. I couldn’t be more creeped out so, as a city mouse, I find the camping utterly awkward.

But you know what else is awkward this week? Apparently everything else: I leave Toronto for a week and the place explodes, following news that the CiRCA nightclub that has so infamously failed its gay clientele these past couple years has now gone and booked dancehall singer Elephant Man, whose homophobic lyrics are uglier than his namesake!

Then there’s the wardrobe malfunction suffered by US swimmer Ricky Berens in Rome this week. Apparently, I can’t post photos today (See? Awkward!) but Andy Towle’s New York has the sexy-funny shot.

Then there’s the terrifying possibility that “Doc Bottoms’ All-Natural Aspray” is not a joke.

Then there’s the delicate question of what to say about Muslim health care workers who don’t want to use hand sanitizer. I would’ve thought that a religion that views dogs, pigs, gays and women as “unclean” would be all over the hand sanitizer but some are balking at touching the alcohol it contains. All I can say is that your faith shouldn’t have to lead to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Then there’s the way I’m shoehorning in one last ‘Torchwood’ reference, as John Barrowman hammed it up for the hall of “Woodies” at the massive San Diego ComicCon this past weekend — awkward! In my defense, he did get a big full-on kiss from outgoing ‘Doctor Who’ David Tennant and it was adorable. Tom Baker never kissed a guy!

And let’s not forget the Massachusetts woman who’s up on domestic assault charges for trying to forcibly impregnate her wife with a turkey baster! If you think that’s awkward, imagine next Thanksgiving!

But obviously I enjoy this stuff and hope you do too (except the Elephant Man thing, cause that’s a guy we don’t need in Canada). Awkward can be awesome, especially if it’s William Shatner reading it:

Hopefully, I’ll be a bit more coherent than that by the time I spill into Montreal on Friday. It’s two more days of cycling and camping for me (you know the word) before a weekend in la belle province. I’ll be back on Tuesday with more news and silliness — hope your next week is a lovely one!