As I poured pink liquid silicone from a green makeshift mixing bowl into a perfectly accurate mold of my partner’s penis, I mused on how most people probably are not spending their quarantine this way. I applaud others’ sourdough-baking, stress-knitting and Zoom-partying, but I was glad to instead be doing something as simultaneously sexy and absurd as creating an effigy of my favourite dick.
According to their website, the Portland-based company Empire Labs’ colourfully-named Clone-A-Willy kit “lets you make an exact, vibrating, silicone replica of any penis… [and] captures incredible lifelike detail, making it the most personalized sex toy on the planet.” The product was released in 1996 and has since become a cult hit in the sex toy world: it’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, Vice and Men’s Health, among others, and was even purchased by Snooki in one memorable episode of Jersey Shore.
This kit might actually be the perfect gift for a partner (or yourself) in these troubling times, whether you mail your physically-distanced sweetie a replica of your junk, spend an afternoon doing this sexy science experiment with your live-in beau or just clone your own dick for posterity.
I’d wanted to try Clone-A-Willy for years, but never had a dick-wielding partner I liked enough to want to memorialize their genitalia in that way—at least, not one who stuck around long enough to get to the stage of a relationship where “Can I clone your penis?” was an acceptable question to ask.
Finally, the stars aligned this year, and a sex toy retailer offered me a kit to review at a time when I happen to be happily partnered with the owner of one of the most glorious cocks I’ve ever experienced. Pandemic notwithstanding, we’re usually long-distance, but currently we’re holed up together in my Toronto apartment. It seemed like an ideal time to make a souvenir together that could comfort me and my lonely vagina once we’re apart again.
The two of us pored over the available colour options, including purple, teal, glow-in-the-dark green and a range of skin tones, eventually settling on hot pink. My partner, who is non-binary, quipped that they already have a flesh-toned version of their dick and don’t need another one. Much like New York Toy Collective’s whimsical blue and green packers and Fleshlight’s imaginative line of supernatural “Freaks” dildos, Clone-A-Willy’s off-the-wall colour catalogue makes their product more welcoming to folks whose aesthetic sensibility or desired gender expression exists outside the realm of standard skin tones.
The most important advice I can give you about attempting to clone a will yourself is that you should read the instructions at least twice in full before you begin. This is a scientific endeavour that has been pared down for laymen’s use, but it’s still pretty complicated. You’ll need scissors, a pen, a measuring cup, a large mixing bowl and spoon, a timer and a 4 inch by 4 inch piece of cardboard. Here’s how I did it:
Establish mood and mindset
Once the process begins, it goes fairly quickly and you will need to have a hard-as-possible erection at some key moments, so it’s best to make sure you’re relaxed and feeling good before diving in. Some couples would do this by kissing, cuddling or touching; I did all of the above, but because my partner also has an erotic hypnosis kink, I put them into a trance and established a trigger whereby the very mention of the word “hard” gave them a boost of arousal. This left them feeling pretty spacey and submissive, so I had to do most of the rest of the process myself, but that was fine with me—I had read the instructions thoroughly and was ready to make one hell of a cock clone!
Cut the mold tube down to size
Once I had my partner fully hard, I grabbed the plastic tube included with the kit and held it next to their dick, with the open side facing away from their body. I used a Sharpie to make a mark about half an inch beyond the end of their penis, and then cut away the excess plastic with scissors. If you want, you can then put some duct tape over the sharp edges of the plastic to keep it from digging into your skin when you’re balls-deep in the tube a few minutes later.
Mix the molding solution
I went to the bathroom sink and measured out 1 ¾ cups of water. Using the included thermometer, I made sure it was just over 90 degrees Fahrenheit. You do not want to mess this part up, not just because it’ll affect the quality of the mold but also because burning or chilling a dick is not exactly erection-conducive!
The water can then be mixed with the white molding powder included in the kit using a big spoon and a mixing bowl (neither of which we had, so I used a soup spoon and a Tupperware container I didn’t care about destroying). After timing out exactly 45 seconds of vigorous mixing, I poured the resulting goopy fluid into the tube we’d cut down to size earlier.
Mold that dick!
At this point, you have exactly two minutes to shove your dick inside the tube to create an impression of it before the sludge solidifies. Maintaining an erection for the necessary window of time is the hardest part (so to speak) of this process. As those of you with penises already know, staying hard can be a challenge even when your dick isn’t crammed into a plastic tube filled with lukewarm whitish goo while your partner stares at a stopwatch and shouts, “THIRTY SECONDS TO GO!”
It’s wise to supplement your approach with your most reliable turn-on, whether that’s watching porn, reading erotica, tweaking your nipples, fantasizing about what you’re gonna do with your new dildo later or all of the above. As for me, I spouted a filthy monologue into my partner’s ear—involving many instances of the word “hard,” of course—while they whimpered excitedly and held the tube in place around their cock. We laid down a waterproof sheet beforehand to catch any drips, which was wise, because it was indeed a messy endeavour.
Wait
The mold needs two to four hours to set before you can move onto the next step. This could be a good time to make use of that boner—but please rinse it off first; molding fluid probably isn’t safe to get inside your mouth, vagina or butt!
Mix and pour your silicone
The kit contains two jars of liquid silicone. Pour them into your mixing bowl and stir them together until they’re well-combined. I found it mesmerizing to watch the pink liquid slowly streaming into the now-hardened white mold.
Place your vibrator
With the help of your pre-cut piece of cardboard, the included vibrator can be positioned in the centre of the dildo like a stick inside a popsicle. This is an important step even if you (like me) don’t foresee yourself actually using the vibration function, because the vibrator displaces some of the silicone so you can get as much length as possible out of the provided amount. I didn’t want just part of my partner’s shaft—I wanted the whole thing!
Wait again
After another 24 hours, your finished dildo can be freed from its mold and is ready for action, perhaps after a quick rinse. The silicone used in this kit, once fully cured, is quite a bit firmer than even the beefiest of boners—but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially if you like a lot of pressure on your internal erogenous zones.
It’s also worth noting that you don’t have to clone a penis with this kit: You can use it to make a cost-effective copy of your favourite dildo, or you can create silicone sex toys in the shape of your fingers or fist. Empire Labs even has another product now called Clone-A-Pussy that allows you to duplicate your favourite vulva, which you can then admire, touch, kiss, lick or attach to a masturbation sleeve for an extra-realistic solo-sex experience.
I know I’ll appreciate having a replica of my partner’s dick in my nightstand when they have to head back to New York. But even while we’re physically together, we’ve enjoyed incorporating our new toy into our sex lives. These days, when there’s so much stress and fear going around, it’s more important than ever to pursue joy and pleasure however you can—even if that means making a hot pink reproduction of a penis you adore.
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