It’s time for another banned porn roundup.
The Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) just released their quarterly list of admissible and prohibited items, compiling determinations (goods that have been submitted for review) and re-determinations (titles that have been previously prohibited, and re-determined at the importer’s request).
The list is comprised mostly of pornographic DVDs imported to Canada that have been deemed as “obscene” and have therefore been held at the border.
From Apr to Jun 2008, government censors prevented 122 porn flicks from being imported. Many of the banned videos depict consensual sex, from SM to barebacking.
Border officials have long been a thorn in the side for the gay and lesbian community, as they continue to ban materials they perceive to be obscene. The censors have gone so far as to target specific mailing addresses that are known to be retailers of explicit queer material, such as Little Sister’s in Vancouver.
So, we’ve decided to bring the porn to you ourselves. Here are our top 10 picks for flicks that border officials won’t let you import:
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“Do you remember when you were a kid and all those bullies used to call you names and hand your ass to you daily on the playground? Good times! Oh, how you secretly loved the abuse! Now it’s time to bring back those wonderful memories and watch pathetic subbies like yourself getting slapped and flogged silly.”
I certainly don’t remember my ass being handed to me daily on the playground, and thanks to the CBSA, I will never be able to make up for missing out on those precious childhood memories.
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9. Les Vierges Barbares
“Alicia was kidnapped with several other young women of the village. Despaired, Ash is called to the rescue, a valorous knight whose reputation proceeds him, especially when it is accompanied by his brigade the adventurous ones, known under the name of the Cruel Virgins.”
This sounds just like a fairy tale! And it’s animated, so the whole family can watch! It’s got to be better than High School Musical.
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“It’s always a pleasure to get someone into the world of bondage and discipline. When Yvonne was introduced, by the mischievous Shane, to Master Seven’s dungeon, little did she know she’d be starting an odyssey through pain and pleasure! From after watching Seymore Butts’ domination of Casee to a total submission to the Master himself, Yvonne and Shane decided they could do a better job. Alas, one taste is not enough, so Yvonne returns to the site of Bruce’s new dungeon and brings a new little slave, Sydney, as a gift to Bruce and Mistress Ariana. After Ariana teaches Yvonne a thing or two, she and Sydney decide to take over the reigns and punish the Mistress. Yvonne had a great experience, and you will too!”
I bet Yvonne’s not having such a great experience now that she’s stuck at the border.
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“See two busty doms reward their subs with a little reverse psychology. The action is non-stop as you witness these girls doing what they love to do best, punishing, tormenting and humiliating their humble little slaves.”
I guess those doms were just a little too busty for Canada.
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6. The Violation of Missy: A Lesbian Gangbang
“Ahh, Missy, so sweet, innocent and fragile. That is until she is violated by a gang of lesbian sluts. These girls push her to the limit, with no nonesense hardcore lesbian sex. It don’t get much harder than this. This movie delivers the goods so be prepared to be violated.”
Where do these gangs of lesbian sluts hang out, anyway? And why was sweet, innocent and fragile Missy hanging out there? Whatever, she totally wanted it.
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Whenever Summer visits Master Seven’s dungeon, you know that craziness is about to happen! Add to that a lot of leather paddles and whips, and you’re going to see more red asses and thighs than you’ve seen in a long, long time. What we do with Summer’s tongue is well worth the price of admission alone!
What? Canadians can’t even get a touch of leather? A touch? Come on, that’s kid’s stuff.
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“Crystine has a date – a SAVAGE date! She is instructed where to be, what to wear, and when to be there. An odyssey of pain, pleasure, and pussy punishment. All of it severe and sensual at the same time!”
I mean, it’s nice to switch it up from dinner and a movie once and awhile, right?
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“Peckinpah meets porno in this moody existential western, set in The Winter of 1849, in which the expression “Ride ’em, cowboy!” takes on an entirely different meaning. Lost in a vast frozen wasteland, three grubby, escaped convicts, Curt, Zeke, and Lenny, make for the cabin of old Ezra and Martha where they expect to find “a nice warm place to sleep, and good grub.” But old Ezra is defunct, and Martha now lives alone in the “God-forsaken wilderness” with her two sisters, strawberry blonde Middle Sister and Virginal Beth. Though Zeke can’t wait to eat “some o’ those fine vittles,” this is a porno flick, ladies and gentlemen, so when the three desperados arrive at the snowbound cabin, everybody chows down on groins, not grub.”
I feel like I missed this history lesson back in high school. I hope Curt, Zeke and Lenny wore their animal sheath condoms.
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“Come get naughty with these sexy tormented trannies. Whipped and waxed, spanked and sucked. These trannies get to know what pain is, and they love every minute of it!”
Now I may feel a little different if it was your naughty tranny, but this is my naughty tranny we’re talking about. And no one messes with my naughty tranny besides me.
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“Tony came to us and told us he wanted to do a video with his hairy, horny, tattooed boyfriend. Once we got a look at that muscle guy, we couldn’t resist capturing on footage what these guys do best – fuck hard and RAW! You have to see this hairy couple’s nasty fuck session. They know each other’s bodies inside and out. They know all the right buttons to push to get each other off. These two raunchy hairy pigs explore and play uninhibitedly in ways no one else can.”
A monogamous couple? Isn’t this the kind of stuff the government would want us to see?
Read the full list of items banned from Apr to Jun 2008:
www.gomorrahy.com/cbsa-piu-q2-08.pdf
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