Dicks & dykes

Lesbian diddlers learn to mix & match

My roommate, who works in a sex store, is a goddess: Not only does she frequently drive me to Burger King at 3am when the urge occurs, she brings home armloads of free video tapes of girls getting naughty. It is amazing what a little yoga and some professional pubic hair waxing can do.

We spend a lot of time sitting around fast-forwarding through porn, occasionally pausing to ask, “Would I look good in that pink lacy teddy?” because, the fact is, as we all know, lesbian porn is boring.

Ask any lesbian what she jerks off to and she will say fag porn, Star Trek, Hustler or the Teletubbies, but rarely do we get our dildos out for the girl-on-girl stuff.

I decided with all this free porn at my fingertips I would discover why this is. After all, women are lining up to watch each other fuck at sex parties around town, why aren’t the videos getting us hot and bothered?

I discovered a chick who runs her own porn universe called Shane’s World. Volumes of mostly hetero-focused videos often combining extreme sports and muff-diving muscle boys. (“After we went river rafting, we were all pretty horny!” or, “How to 69 after a good day snowboarding!”)

The Shane’s World series is the brain child of a porn actress who runs the show, making run-of-the-mill silicone and blow-job fare, but with a 90210-gone-pansexual energy.

What I enjoy about Shane’s World, is that she isn’t earnest about it her position as woman pornographer. She doesn’t pretend to be making porn for any other reason than to make cash and get the job done. No romantic innuendo, soft lighting or stilted dialogue, just immediate in and out and close up beaver shots.

Shane, the director and sometimes actor, often talks while holding the camera, encourages the other actors to chat with the camera, make jokes and run around the sets. Sometimes she has public service-like announcements and sex lessons covering topics like: advanced anal, experimenting with the female condom, manicure tips for pubes and how to give a blowjob while driving!

In Shane’s World #14, the cast pal around on the beach, approaching unsuspecting men and asking them if they’d like to be involved in their video projects. They go out to a bar and pick up an amateur actress-wanna be and her blushing swinger boyfriend.

Fans of Shane’s World can write in, and if their letters are picked, they can appear in an upcoming video receiving birthday wishes in the form of sexual favours.

Her lesbian series, the Slumber Party videos, are aimed at both men and lesbian audiences, but don’t have the same kick as the mixed gender tapes. Lots of uninspired cunnilingus, hilarious fake sounding orgasms and chicks with excruciatingly long nails fucking each other. The most puzzling scene of all is a three-way with impossible couch gymnastics that made my neck hurt just watching.


So – as a firm believer in Annie Sprinkle’s argument that the way to deal with bad porn is better porn, not no porn – where shall the dyke consumer go for a little living room wank?

If Shane’s World Lesbian Slumber Parties don’t work for you, the helpful staff at Good For Her (181 Harbord St; 416-588-0900) have some recommendations for porn by and for the home team:

The Real San Francisco Lesbians series is a popular choice, a campy and sexy set of tapes featuring some raunchy queers, including nasty school girls, femme tops, butches and tranny boys with a diverse range of body sizes.

Suburban Dykes is really silly but kind of sexy, for those of you interested in some Patagonia-clad ’80s fashion nostalgia.

Zazel gets points for originality, featuring mostly women living out their unusual fantasies involving statues, thigh-high boots with dildo-spurs, among many other visual experiments. The playboy-bunny-like cast manages to be captivating in a creative way without coming off as too flaky.

To check out Shane’s World for yourself, go to www.shanesworld.com.

Keep Reading

In the midst of despair, how do you find the will to go on?

“We have a calling, here in this decaying world, and that is to live and to serve life with every precious breath that is gifted to us”

I’ve met someone amazing, but I can’t stand the way he smells. How do I talk to him about it? 

Kai weighs in on how to have a “scentsitive” conversation with a new date 

Queer and trans families are intentional. They take the shape of what you and your loved ones need most

In the nine-part series Queering Family, Xtra guest editor Stéphanie Verge introduces us to people who are redefining what it means to build and sustain a family

Valentine’s Day gifts for every queer in your life

Shower every love in your life with gifts galore this Valentine's Day