Time to go-go back to school

“Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel its true warmth.”

Is that why they were called The Golden Girls?

Round up your friends ’cause it’s time to go-go back to school now that the warmth is dwindling down. Old school, new school, you’d be a fool to miss out on the fourth anniversary extravaganza of Dance Camp on Fri, Sep 25 (10pm, $10 cover) at Fly nightclub (8 Gloucester St). Mark Falco’s best club grooves from past to present sound crisp and fresh on what is one of the city’s best sound systems.

If you can’t wait that long to get in on the action, get yourself ready for a massive dose of fun with AX Massive on Fri, Sep 18 (10pm, $5 before 11pm, $10 after) also at the club this month. The Asian Xpress parties are the place to pick up dance moves and styling tips from hot harajuku lady boys. The last time I attended the Hello Kitty face on the front of my G-string set off allergies. DJ Alex brings the noise for the fashion-forward boys as Miss Flo kung fu fights her way to the stage for a sweet and hopefully not sour show. Hosted by Chris Jai Centeno and funny girl Take Me Spears, who’s name suggests she’ll be quite taken by the experience.

Have you experienced Keith Cole?

Artist, performer, actor and supermodel (in some cultures), Cole takes the reins as the Friday night maestro of Tallulah’s Cabaret at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre (12 Alexander St) with The Keith Cole Experience debuting Fri, Sep 11 (doors 10:30pm, show 11:15pm, $7 cover) now that Andrew Harwood’s Revue has taken its final bow. The lineup looks likely to draw a variety of different crowds and I’m sure the eclecticness will brew something wonderfully weird as Michelle DuBarry and Sofonda Cox alongside Sky Gilbert and others razzle- dazzle with their very own unique style of performance. So many different ingredients creating an artful salad DuBarry naturally being the croutons. DJ K-Tel spins it right all night.

Those with a taste for fantasy and fun had a real good time at Fake Prom, the annual event now held at Palais Royale(1601 Lakeshore Blvd W). The film noir theme brought out cool cats and bejewelled birds ready for their closeups in inspired era getups. Bette Davis look-alikes performing the running man in evening gowns to “Gonna Make You Sweat” was well worth admission. Few could resist gawking at hotties in tailored suits inspired by Dick Tracy, for there’s just something about Dick that makes us smile. When it was revealed the winners of prom king and queen were two drunk guys who clearly rigged the vote it resulted in the clicking of fake guns from scores of snarling femme fatales. You’d think a room full of detectives would’ve put it together sooner. Sorry Susan Luccis of the world, class dismissed. But everyone’s a winner ’cause more drinks are on the way.

Byzantium (499 Church) hosts Sultry Saturdays (11pm, no cover). Sultry is a word that could easily be used to describe that look in your eye that means “one more and I’m going to fall over.” But please don’t and if you do, don’t touch anything on the way down. It’s a beautiful establishment and the drinks are actually some of the best I’ve tried on the strip. Cajjmere Wray’s sexy beats will have you stripping off your work week and getting into the weekend groove and the proof is in the pudding. Cajjmere seems to be all over the place, with his popular spot on Proud FM and also having recently officially remixed Mariah Scary’s current chart single “Obsessed.” Mariah’s wailing makes me drink so I’m glad the bar is situated next to the dancefloor. The crowd loves Whitney’s “Million Dollar Bill” and, as of press time, I’m surprised she hasn’t yet rolled it up and snorted anything with it.

This summer was a bit of a bummer but look out for exciting reasons this season to keep the heat. You bet you’re gonna sweat.