Thank you, Renato Seabra, for creating the greatest trend of 2012: testicle bracelets

Twenty-one-year-old Renato Seabra is an alleged murderer, aspiring model and above all else, a trendsetter. All the golddiggers covet the way his sugar daddy’s testicles dangle ever so elegantly from his wrists. Only a novice wants his sugar daddy’s goods in the palm of his hand! A true trailblazer isn’t afraid to be different.

If you’re wondering why Seabra decided to wear a 65-year-old man’s balls hanging from his wrists, you probably haven’t heard about their magical powers yet. According to Seabra, the testicles gave him the power to get rid of his homosexuality and cure strangers on the street of HIV. That’s right, he was running all around New York City touching random people with Castro’s saggy scrotum and healing them of disease. (I’m sure he’s accepting thank-you cards in prison.)

This is the story I’m going to tell the designer children I have one day when they ask me why I make them wash their hands every five minutes.

Seabra, who is from Portugal, started his relationship with Castro, a journalist and LGBT activist, in 2010. They did the things that everyone in a boy-toy/sugar daddy relationship does: ate at fancy restaurants, shopped and dropped off headshots at modelling agencies. Sigh. I really miss my ex!

When Seabra started seeing girls and told Castro he was no longer gay, they fought, and Castro ended their relationship. Defence attorney Rubin Sinins claims that what happened next — the brutal beating and castration with a corkscrew that led to Castro’s death, and the invention of this season’s must-have bracelet “jewels” — are the result of the model going insane from the “torture” he endured having a relationship with an older man.

Assistant district attorney Maxine Rosenthal, on the other hand, paints a very different picture. While addressing the New York court, she called Seabra a golddigger who “wanted to pursue a career in modelling. He wanted to be famous and make money. He also wanted nice things — clothes, electronics, gifts for his family. He wanted to eat in nice restaurants. When Carlos Castro showed up in Renato Seabra’s life, he saw a means to an end and he got on board. He knew he was beating, stomping and mutilating Carlos Castro. And he knew it was wrong.”

Personally, I’m undecided on whether Seabra is crazy or not. I’d need to see what shoes he matched with those bracelets first . . .

 

Bookmark & Share

XClose AddThis Expanded Menu

Select from these web-based feed readers:

AOL

Bloglines

Google Reader

My MSN

Netvibes

Newsisfree

Pageflakes

Yahoo

Sharing Service Filter

No matching services..netShoutout100zakladok2 Tag2linkmeA97abiAdftyAdifniAmazonAmen Me!AOL MailAPSenseArmenixArtoAviary CaptureAzadegiBaangBaiduBeat100BeboBentioBiggerPocketsBit.lyBizSugarBland takkinnBlinklistBlipBloggerBloggyBlogkeenBlogmarksBlogtrottrBlurpaliciousBO.LTBobrdobrBonzoBoxBookmarkingNetBookmarky.czBookmerkenBordomBox.netBrainifyBryderi.seBuddyMarksBufferBuzzzyCamyooCardThisCare2ChimeChiqCiripCiteULikeClassicalPlaceCleanPrintCleanSaveclipDOCndigColivia.deCommunicateConnoteacOOtopiaCopy LinkCOSMiQCurate.usDeliciousDesignBumpDigaCulturaDiggDiggitaDigoDigThisHostDigzignDiigoDipdiveDoMelhorDostiDotNetKicksDoubanDraugiem.lvDrimioDropjackDzoneEdelightEFactoreKudoselefanta.plEmailEmail AppEmbarkonseuCliqueiEvernoteextraplayEzySpotFabDesignFabulously40FacebookFarkFarkindaFashiolistaFAVableFavesfavlogFavoritenFavoritesFavoritusFlakerFloss.proFolkdFormspringFreeDictionaryFresquiFriendFeedfunPfwispGabbrGamekickerGigBasketGiveALinkGlobalGrindGmailGo.vnGoduduGood NoowsGoogleGoogle+GreaterDebaterGrono.netHaber.gen.trHacker NewsHadash HotHatenaHealthimizeHedgehogsHelloTxthistoriousHot BookmarkHotklixHotmailHTML ValidatorHyvesIdenti.caIDibbItihavegotIndex4IndexorInformazioneInstapaperInvestorLinksiOrbixiSocietyiWiWJamespotJappy TickerJoliPrintJollyJumptagsKaboodleKaevurKaixin RepasteKetnooiKindle ItKipupKledyKommentingLa tafaneraLibrerioLifestreamLink NinjaLinkedInLinks GutterLinkSharesLinkuj.czLiveJournalLockerBloggerLogger24Mail.ruMarkmeMashbordme2daymeinVZMekusharimMemonicMemori.ruMendeleyMenéameMessengerMindbodygreenMister WongMoemesto.ruMoikrugmototagzmRcNEtwORKMultiplymyAOLMyHayastanMylinkvaultMyspaceN4GNasza-klasaNetLogNetvibesNetvouzNewsMeBackNewsTrustNewsvineNujijOdnoklassnikiOKNOtizieOneviewOrkutOyylaPackgPafnetPDF OnlinePDFmyURLPhoneFavsPing.fmPinterestPlanypusPlaxoPlurkPochvalPocketPoliticNotePosteezyPosterousPrati.baPrintPrintFriendlyPushaQRF.inQRSrc.comQuantcastQzoneRedditRediff MyPageRedKumResearchGateRideFixSafelinkingScoop.atScoop.itSekomanSelect2GetherSharerShavehShe Told MeSina WeiboSkyrock BlogSMISodaHeadSonicoSpeedtileSpinSnapSpreadlyspringpadSquidooStartaidStartlapStoryFollowerstudiVZStuffpitStumbleUponStumpediaSUP BROSurfingbirdSvejoSymbalooTaazaShareTagzaTaringa!TarpipeThe Web BlendThinkfinityThisNextThrowpileto.lyTopSitelerTransferrTranslateTuentiTulinqTumblrTvinxTweetMemeTwitterTwitThisTypepadUpnews.itUrlaubswerkURLCaptViadeoVirbVisitezMonSiteVKontaktevKruguDruzeiVOX SocialVybraliSMEVyoomWebnewsWebShareWerKenntWenWhois LookupWindy CitizenWireFanWordPressWorioWrite Your RepWykopXangaXINGY! BookmarksY! MailYammerYardbarkerYemleYiggYookosYoolinkYorumcuyumYoublrYoubookmarksYouMobYuubyZakladok.netZicZacZingMeZukmo

Done

Message sent! Share again.

Sending message…

AddThis for Safari

Make sharing easier with AddThis for Safari.

Download

Don’t show these

To: (email address)From: (email address)Note: (optional)

255 character limit

More:

SettingsPrivacy

Bookmark & ShareX

Make sharing easier with AddThis for Safari.


Don’t show these

TwitterFacebookEmailPrintRedditStumbleUponFavoritesGmailBloggerTumblrLinkedInMore… (328)

SettingsPrivacy

Keep Reading

The cover of Perverts

‘Perverts’ shows the cost of sexual self-censorship

Mac Crane’s short-story collection follows queer and trans characters who are both stuck—and free
Sun

Rosalía’s ‘Lux’ tour taught me things I didn’t even know I could know

After years of pining, I finally went to the Catalan superstar’s concert. I wasn’t ready for what it did to me
The protagonists of Blood Lines embracing

The big twist in ‘Blood Lines’ is more than shocking

Gail Maurice’s queer Métis romance takes a massive risk—letting it dig deep into the pain and loss perpetuated by colonial structures
A still from Girls Like Girls

‘Girls Like Girls’ once meant everything to me. I’ve outgrown it

Hayley Kiyoko’s new movie tries to recapture the magic of the mid-2010s music video it’s based on. But time has dulled its revolutionary edge
Advertisement