:::roo richer:::

Who
the fuck are you?

I
am a lady and will be treated as such. (ed’s
note: Roo Richer)

WHO
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
WHO
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!? My
mother asks me that question a lot, she thinks I think I am the queen

of sheeba. Whoever that bitch is.

Ok. Before
we start, let’s do some Madlibs.
If
a girl I used to date stops me on the street to tip her hat to me, I
would: choke her with her stupid hat.
If
a crazy person on the metro waves at me that means:

is it christmas?
Roses
are red, violets are blue: poetry is so pedestrian.

So,
what’s your favourite docu?
I like the one about the sociopath
child who sticks people with pins. Also, a docu about a sexual
surrogate from the 80’s. I also like any docu’s about meth face. ooh
and sexual exploitation, those are the soothingest.

Fav
website?

Fave website is the !wizzard! one, you
kno.

Fav
music to listen to in bath while happy on Robaxaxets?
I like to listen to cat power in robaxalax.
and jen grant and carina round and miss harvey and laura viers and
lovers and yamagata and maria taylor.

Fav
food to eat at that diner in front of Papineau Metro? (Lafayettes’s)
GREAZY SOUP!

Half-full
or half-empty?
All empty, all
the time.

Which
slut is your favrit?

JILL ZARIN FOR LIFE. Also the creepy one from Jersey who has
the hairless cat.

Who does
Jill ZARIN remind you of?

lina
harper

Where’d you learn how to curse like
that?
Some
people are just born gifted, you can’t learn this magic. Nature over
nurture, etc.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years
from now?
I try
not to think about it. STOP YOU JUST GAVE ME ANXIETY.

That means
barefoot and pregnant right?
Babies
is unatural.

I noticed

your CV says you went to the Simone de Beauvoir Institute. Tell me about that.
Couches,
trannies, bad porn, and purple things. sighhhhhh. simpler times.

Are you a feminist?
I hate everyone equal. I no discriminate.

What’s
yur number 1 dating pet peeve?
Dating.

What’s
yur pet peeve of ALL-TIME?
PEOPLE.

When
can we next hang out? (What are you doing next friday? Wanna

grab a superburger-hold-the-salad at the greazy diner?)
I’m going to be in ‘merica.

Well, thanks
for being part of our show, and swinging by the set today. Roo Richer everyone! (applause)
APPLAUSE.
FLASHING LIGHTS. I’M READY FOR MY CLOSE
UP.

Do
you have any parting words?

Yes. Simon says shut the fuck up.