Patrick and Kevin are in the swing of full on official LTR bliss despite the fact that Patrick has terrible morning breath and can’t perform the simple task of delivering breakfast in bed without dropping everything (likely due to the sight of Kevin’s beautiful bare ass).
Agustin is already groaning over their boyfriendy behaviour after only two weeks, asking Patrick when he walks in wearing Kevin’s signature Pug sweater if they are already sharing clothes. This leads to a conversation between the lovebirds about how to casually approach telling people about their relationship at work. They agree it should be slow and subtle. That slow burn idea gets thrown out the window when the doggy sweater on Patrick at work yields a line of questioning during a meeting that lets the cat out of the bag and pushes the straight girl in the office to enquire if heterosexuals will now be discriminated against in the office. All of this is pretty stupid but not surprising. They were finishing each other’s sentences and being disgustingly cutesy, I would have marched to the HR department to complain too. Either way as Patrick puts it, “The gay genie is out of the gay fucking bottle.”
Dom took all of Doris’ money, maxed out his credit cards and quit his job all in the name of getting his new tiny chicken window stand. When Doris says she has plans with her boyfriend and can’t immediately jump to help him install stuff he insists its okay but we know it’s not. This fag/hag relationship is so needy and very 1990, I feel bad this is the only drama they’ve given Dom all season.
Meanwhile, Agustin gets fucked by his HIV-positive cubby lover who accidentally shoots his load into Agustin’s eye causing a mini freak out. Not from eye pain or sexual frustration just good old fashion AIDS panic. Agustin bails immediately and goes to help Dom with his stand but mostly he goes to chew his ear off about his hangups because Dom is old and wise. Dom rightfully shoots him down, tells him to get over himself and start taking PrEP if he has an issue. Again a substantial and challenging conversation on the topic could have been had but instead we get some quick snark. I don’t need speeches, but substance is helpful. Agustin goes back and apologies to his cub and he insists he will try to work on his baggage. Everybody hugs.
Patrick and Kevin, on a high-speed train to Uhaul town, arrive frazzled and late to GamerX, the very real gay video game convention that happens in San Francisco. They are there to show off their gay archetype fighting app to the masses but the consensus is that it’s stereotypical and is not subverting stereotypes like Patrick thinks. These boys don’t care because they are securely up each other’s asses.
A sassy gay in a wheelchair at GamerX is there with his glory hole social networking app and he delicious cuts the obnoxious pair down saying, “You guys are like identical. Why don’t you just jerk off in the mirror if you think you’re so cute?” Well said.
Kevin and Patrick run into Richie and his bf Brady at the convention, they are there because Brady is working as a journalist covering the convention. After an awkward exchange about Kevin and Patrick’s new boyfriend status, Kevin asks the pair to join them for food after the convention’s “APPilly Ever After” queer prom. Patrick is not happy and Kevin picks up on the tension but they just pinch each others cheeks and all is fine.
Patrick and Kevin arrive looking dapper at the prom and they dance it up like the goofy white boys they are. During the obligatory sappy ballad slow dance Patrick makes eye contact with Richie from across the room before smothering himself in Kevin’s arms. Richie looks back longingly as his bf continues a conversation. If they make Richie go after Patrick again after all of this I will punch my TV.
Post-prom the couple meet for food but Brady is awkwardly wasted. When Brady insists that Kevin take him to the bathroom to barf because he sounds like Mary Poppins, Richie and Patrick have a chance to catch up and by that I mean Patrick blabs about what he’s been up to, how Kevin came back into the picture and then throws in Richie’s face that he dumped him again for good measure. When Kevin and Brady return from an apparent false alarm, Brady drops a bunch of truth bombs about what he and Richie really think about Patrick and Kevin which he says is no longer the truth because he is drunk but it is all true. Things get awkward after this admission and then everybody just moves on.
Back at the hotel, Patrick and Kevin read the first review of their app which is a scathing one star review that calls the app out on it’s regressive bullshit. The couple laugh it off, saying they don’t have to impress all the bitchy queens out there. These guys really love the smell of their own farts this episode. It all ends with the two telling each other they love each other for the first time before giggling and snuggling under the covers. I cannot wait to watch this fall apart.
Pro: Even though Russell Tovey found himself in hot water this week for his ridiculous anti-gay self-hating remarks about feminine guys, he has a really nice ass, for a dumbass.
Con: Dom’s storyline really gives the show nothing and he was a highlight of last season. He dumped his boyfriend so quickly and unceremoniously this season it’s a shame and I don’t really give a crap about his chicken dream.
Best Line: “Patrick’s not a 13-year-old girl afraid of his own vagina and you two aren’t what’s wrong with the gay community.” — Brady, while drunk, tries to take back the real truth about Patrick and Kevin.
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