Well, sorta. We here at Xtra decided to honour the best and the brightest of Toronto’s Pride parade today. I’m not gonna lie: this was all done on a whim, so the use of the term “award” here is looser than Michele Bachmann’s asshole in a room full of people who can help her political career. That being said, if any of the “winners” really wants, I can probably MacGyver together a couple loose trinkets with some duct tape and send them as a trophy, which they can feign surprise over while thanking God/The Academy/The Little People.
Guys Who Got Me the Wettest
The guys were standing directly behind me the whole time. Thanks for the cool-down, boys!
Highest Point
Toronto Seed Exchange
A Float Is Not a House Is Not a Home-iest
These poor, roofless people
Biggest Fruit
This banana
Tracy Turnblad-iest
Miss Conception (with an assist by Richard Ryder)
Best Beyoncé (with a side of Halleloo!)
Sofonda Cox
Hat I Want the Most
This hat
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell-iest (because I already did: he’s straight)
Alex. TEASE!
Most Vaguely Oprah-ish Logo
Shaun Proulx (Oproulx?!)
Man, Did Rob Ford Lose Weight-iest?
Nah, just kidding, he’s still a fat-ass.
The “Oh, Myyyyyyyyy” Award for best use of Takei
These guys
My Littlest Pony
The guy pulling Aliya Jasmine in a rickshaw
Cutest Puppy
This human
The “Wait, When Did Shakespeare Write THIS?!” Award
No, seriously, is this Titus Andronicus or something?
And finally, the “WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?!” Award goes to…
Jack Layton! You so slick, you!
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