That’s right. Today, Goodhandy’s celebrates its fifth birthday! Ironically, that means it’s not even old enough to drink yet. Unless you’re from the South. They bottle-feed with Everclear down there.
Anyway, in honour of this glorious day, let’s take a look at Goodhandy’s by the numbers, shall we?
Age of Goodhandy’s: five.
Age of Mandy Goodhandy: 20 something.
Age of Mandy’s tits: eight.
Average number of abs per bartender: five.
Average number of drinks it takes a patron to get super shitty: two and a half.
Number of movie references Todd Klinck will understand in his lifetime: zero (but only because it’s impossible to go into negative integers).
Number of annoying hipsters per night who ask, “Isn’t this the club from Scott Pilgrim?”: three.
Number of people who’ve had sex in the diamond rooms: 14,284,961. (Never walk up there barefoot. You will get pregnant.)
Famous person who may or may not but probably didn’t unless they did have gay sex in the diamond room: not Tom Cruise.
So, happy birthday, Goodhandy’s! And here’s to five more years of proving that Toronto is the single most slutty city ever.
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