Australian politician wants to reclaim ‘gay’

BY ROB SALERNO – With Australia starting to debate gay marriage seriously, homophobic politicians are crawling out of the woodwork to deliver the usual speeches about how same-sex marriage will cause the sky to fall and the rivers to run red and all music to turn into dance.

The most forceful statements have come from the country’s most famous political redneck, Bob Katter, an independent MP from the rural riding of Kennedy, in Queensland.

At a rally to oppose gay marriage in Canberra this week, Katter told a crowd that the idea of gay marriage should be ridiculed.

He also complained that gay people have stolen the word gay from the rest of the English language and “nobody has the right to take that word off us.”

Yes, why shouldn’t we be able to use the word “gay” to describe the guy who’s ranting at the top of his lungs about how ridiculous another group of people is.

One gay man who was not amused by Katter’s rally was Katter’s own brother, who is openly gay and has taken to the Australian media to distance himself from those comments.

More craziness from that rally: a senator claimed his four daughters would be in danger if same-sex marriage passed. “Weknow that the best protection for those girls is that they get themselves into a secure relationship with a loving husband, and I want that to happen for them,” said Barnaby Joyce. “I don’t want any legislator to take that right away from me.”

Because without a wedding ring from a man, why, these young women would just completely fall apart. And once same-sex marriage passes, they’ll never be able to marry a man at all. In fact, if Australians aren’t careful, those nasty legislators could force Australian teenaged girls to eat pussy and get buzzcuts right in front of their parents, thus dashing all hope for security and prosperity forever, right?

In other news, did you know that the Australian government keeps a registry of every public toilet in the country?

Well, it does, even though the National Public Toilet Map largely duplicates the good work done by our sisters over at squirt.org. The NPTM is a project of the National Continence Management Strategy. It boasts that it has improved the lives of “the estimated 3.8 million Australians who are affected by incontinence.” That’s almost 20 percent of the population, mind you, so next time you take an Aussie home from Woody’s, do make sure they go to the loo before you go to sleep.